Hi Steve welcome to MIP. I can certainly identify with your confusion and anxiety and have reacted in the same fashion prior to finding some support in Al-Anon. Al-Anon is the recovery program for families and friends of alcoholics. Alcoholism is a dreadful progressive, chronic disease over which we are powerless. Living with the disease we develop many destructive coping tools, so that we need a program of recovery of our own. Face-to-face meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number is listed in the white pages

In Al-Anon I was able to break the isolation caused by living in the disease, find people who understood as few others could, was given constructive tools to live by and a safe place in which to learn and to practice them.

The website that you found that suggested that" reacting in anger "was not wise is true--- being human this is how we react to the insanity of that disease. Al-Anon provided me with different tools so that I learn to respond in a healthy fashion, and not react. I also learned to live one day at a time, focused on myself and my own needs, trusting in a power greater than myself. Meetings, the sponsor and powerful small slogans of this program helped me to regain my sanity. I urge you to search out Al-Anon meetings and attend. You are not alone

Hi guys, thanks for the replies.

Missmeliss, I'm sure that's what it means - don't engage them in a pointless and unwinable argument - they're still gonna be drunk at the end of its so its completely pointless.

It's just tough when I see the effect it has on the kids. They're seeing and realising things that kids that young shouldn't and my worst fear is that it messes with their wee minds. I don't want them growing up with parent issues, but then again, I suppose all I can do is make sure that they've got at least one parent they can rely on.

Again, thanks for taking the time to reply.

Wow, how interesting that I am searching the internet today reading about enabling.  

My counselor has suggested that I attend Al-Anon classes, but I just can't get to any locally.  Then she recommended looking online for a group.  So I did & the first thing I see is this room.  Seems like it's right where I need to be.  

My husband has a family history of alcoholism.  He has progressively gotten worse over the 10 years I've known him.  Even after all the lies & continued use troubles, I continue to think that things will change & he will someday see what I've been asking.  

The hardest part is seeing the kids have to suffer from his use. 

Stevie75 -

I too welcome you to MIP - so glad you found us and glad you found the courage to post and inquire.

I have an Alcoholic Husband and 2 Alcoholic Boys. I met and married my husband in the other side of this program, each of us with about 6 years sober when we married.

I've stayed sober, he did not. He chose to relapse 22 +/- years ago, and I wish I had found Al-Anon way back then. It might have helped us to a different outcome - things might have been the same....not sure and will never know.

My sons grew up with 'the disease'. One active parent and one sober program parent. They followed the path I tried to steer them clear of, thinking as addictive minds do that they knew better so they would do better. So not true - this disease is powerful, progressive, cunning, baffling and sneaky.

Things I wish I had done different - not shadow them from the truth....I covered extensively for my AH - in many ways for a long, long while. I was not a compassionate person towards him nor my boys when they began their crazy behavior. I also kept trying to steer all towards a 'family' and that was like herding wet cats - impossible.

This disease is a disease of thinking. It affects every member of the family and brings resentments, shame, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. to all. It manifests differently in each but it's effects can be long-term. Had I found Al-Anon earlier and found my compassionate voice earlier, I would have been able to be more honest with my boys and tell them that Dad is sick and why. Perhaps honesty vs. dishonesty may have drove them a different route. Maybe not. Again, I can't change the past, and I don't know the future.

All I got is this day and this day, I choose peace, serenity, program and working on me. Al-Anon has given me the tools to find happiness, joy and peace no matter what the 3 are doing. I now love them unconditionally, and harbor no resentments for the past. When we have chaos and/or drama now, I do my best to detach and manage my own actions/reactions. It's been a wonderful journey.

Again, so glad you're here - just keep asking and we'll keep trying to answer! Keep coming back!

Sad Mom - a huge welcome to you too! We have meetings here twice a day online. The schedule is up at the top, left hand side. Feel free to join any time - if you tell them you are new, they'll make sure you are welcomed properly and helped as possible.

Glad you are here too!

Good for you Stevie! That is one regret I have as they figured it out and confronted me on it....Kudos to you for being honest with your kids!!