Ever since I can remember, my mom would sleep the daylight away, secluding herself to her room. I was 14 years old, sitting alone in the living room watching TV. I never thought it was abnormal that my mom wasn't involved in my life the way she should have been. I thought it was normal. I grew up without guidance. Without someone to tell me the importance of getting a high school diploma. I grew up with a mother who let her boyfriend push me out the house by means of locking food up and taking away the shower head. Where was Mom? Mom was sleeping the day away, she didn't care how her and her boyfriend's actions were effecting me. My step-dad was the only true parental figure in my life, still is to this day. He took over the Dad role when I was a baby, but he too fell victim to my mom's ways. They got a divorce when I was 13, then came the new boyfriend. Communication between my step-dad and I was not consistent, but he was still in my life. I dropped out of high school, got mixed up with the wrong crowd, experimented with drugs and alcohol. Life was not pretty. I didn't want to be at home, it didn't even feel like a home. My bedroom was called the "front room" by my mom's boyfriend. I moved out with a boyfriend when I was 18 which ended with me moving in with my step-dad when I was 21. For once my step-dad had the reins, letting my mom live with him, but not letting her kick him out which she did time and time again. After their divorce, my mom would have my step-dad help us move, kick him out a month after, then her boyfriend would move in afterwards. This happened about 3 times. While living with my boyfriend I discovered my Bank of America credit card had been stolen and maxed out. Charges were from QVC and HSN, my mom's favorite shopping networks. She admitted to stealing my card. Then would take it back. Then admit again and even offer to pay back the debt owed to the company. Then deny again. Trust had been broken. Since living back at home with my Dad in 2008 (step-dad) it has been a roller-coaster. My mom and I butt heads. I have caught her stealing from me, from hats to liquid Tylenol. Because of her ex boyfriend she is very controlling of her food, asking I stay out of it, which is totally fine... Just please respect mine as well. Kind of like how roommates do it. So what happens? My food gets devoured, she eats her own food then goes on a blaming spree saying how her food is getting eaten by me. I want to pull my eyeballs out. My dad has to lock up his Tylenol in his truck because she will take them all, but she'd leave one pill and say she didn't take them all. My mom also likes to hoard. Her side of the bedroom is stacked high with QVC and HSN products. On top of all of this, she puts a twist on the conversations I have with her. She says how I yell and swear at her when really I approach her with facts wanting justification for why she's taking my things. It baffles me. I stopped having conversation with her for a couple years now. ISince living at home, I notice my mom has her high days and her low days. When she's having a high day, she jumps from subject to subject without breathing, she shows an incredible amount of energy. Then the low days follow. She's angry, she sleeps all the time, she's extremely negative. My dad says, "she's not happy unless she's unhappy." The sleeping all day explains what has been going on since I was 13. My dad confirmed it a couple years ago, she's been using pain medication. The Fetanyl patches. She's so use to the drugs, she seeks ibuprofen from me and Tylenol from my dad often. She only leaves the house to go to the doctor, pharmacy, mailbox, or grocery store. That's it, that's her life...well also TV and her bed. My mom also has a habit of "copying your illness". I dunno how else to describe it, but let's say your head hurts... She will say her head hurts. Sometimes I had to fake having a neck ache or a toe hurting just to show my dad that she'll say the same thing. Sure enough she did. I think it's for attention. Something else that is weird, in August last year my mom said she had breast cancer, saying she's going in for surgery in October. It is now going on one year later and NOTHING has come of it. I believe she is seeking attention, until I see facts is when I'll believe her. This also comes from her constant lies and having no trust so please don't think I'm being a heartless. Some history on me... In April 2012 I was arrested for a dui. Alcohol addiction runs in the family, my mother's parents were alcoholics. I wasn't ready to give up the alcohol so I lied my way through the many hoops. In August 2014, yes last year, I was arrested again for dui. This time was different, this time I prayed for God to help me get through this after sitting in jail for 2 days. I couldn't lose everything I worked so hard for. And I believe God did answer me. I am closing in on one year of sobriety and to be honest with all of you, it hasn't been hard. I want this. I'm loving the sober life. Now back to why I'm here, yes because of my mom. I just don't know what to do. I'm living at home, my dad has been more than supportive through my recovery, I couldn't change that for the world. But my mom, being around her when she's mad at the world, stealing and behaving like someone I don't want to know. It's so damn hard. So damn hard because she is my mother. I'm at a breaking point. For the past couple weeks I have been feeling different. Last week, for the first time in 10 months, I spoke in a meeting telling the room how I feel different and I don't know why. Usually I don't speak in meetings because public speaking scares me and I am always feeling good in my recovery, but I just had to share that I was having a difficult time. I cried in front of them. One gentleman during the meeting gave me a Daily Reflections book. It helped a little, but I was still confused. Today I messaged my friend telling him the same thing. That I've been feeling different. That's when I discovered it. My mom left her bedroom to walk to the bathroom and I could smell marijuana. That wasn't the first time either, I had been smelling it a couple times prior. I asked her if she was smoking weed, she said no. I asked my dad if she was, he said yes. She has been smoking it for over a month now. Yes we live in Washington where it's legal. And she claims she needs it to help manage her pain. So I ask, is this something the doctor recommended? Nope, he her doctor doesn't know. And she's had heart issues in the past and a mitral value prolapse (sp). So basically she's using weed to get high in addition to her pain medications. So here I sit in my recovery, closing in on one year and I'm being exposed to this. It's something I've used in the past so I believe there are some triggers being set off which explains why I've been feeling so different. But how do I let go of the fact that I live with someone who uses. Someone who on a daily basis, 23 days out of 30 is on a low. I can't exactly move out because, yes I may make OK money, but a lot of that money pays the bills for my recovery, court fees, ignition interlock, new car payment, expensive car insurance, and childcare. Rent is far too expensive right now and like I mentioned above, I adore my dad and living with him. It's my mother I can't seem to let go... Let go to forgive, let go to love 100%, let go to have a normal conversation with, let go to trust. I just can't, I dunno what to do.