The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in the 'change it up' mode - which for me means I need to grow. I've learned that to grow I need to stretch myself, so I am looking for ESH on your favorite Al-Anon Tools, and how best do you incorporate it into your day.
I love, love, love the serenity prayer. I believe it adopted me almost more than I adopted it. I say it often throughout the day - more on some days than others. It flies into my mind/heart when I feel attacked, pressured, anxious, uncomfortable. I've got it on a plate in my bathroom and also on a wall-hanging in my bedroom. It's on my bookmark in one of my daily readers and embedded into my mind....so I feel. It works wonderfully to remind me I can't control much beyond me but when I rely on my HP, he will take care of it all.
So, I'd love to hear from others on your favorite tool and how you embed it into your day(s).
Thanks to all and looking forward to the ESH and responses!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
IAMhere, I do believe I have incorporated so many Al-Anon tools into my everyday life that it would be hard for me to pick out a favorite one.
As I think about it, I do believe the slogans are my favorites,--as they are tiny little bits of wisdom, that stop me in my tracks, keep me from reacting and give me the courage to respond in a healthy fashion.
My favorites are; "live one day at a time, keep the focus on yourself, keep it simple, first things first, principles above personalities, act don't react, quit taking it personally, trust HP and pray.
I also love the asset and gratitude list that I do everyday. These small lists keep the focus on myself and a positive part of myself and my life.
I like some of the slogans - what others think of me being none of my business being probably my favorite because I used to worry a lot about what others might think - as long as I can look myself in the eye in the mirror, I'm good. I absolutely love determining if something is mine to fix or not - what freedom it brings me NOT having to fix the world. I've noticed a greater calm when storms swirl around me, cutting off my finger I found myself sitting there looking at the damage and thinking, well, it can't be undone no use fretting and making it worse; and I knew I couldn't fix it or it couldn't be fixed so acceptance came swiftly and painlessly (har har, nothing painless about that happening). Acceptance of MYSELF probably is a big tool I use - I'm no longer trying to be someone I'm not and I am loving myself for who my HP made me to be.
When faced with something - the concept of the serenity prayer flows through me - accept what I cannot change, change what I can and be at grateful peace for being able to determine which is which.
When my daughter spilled hot soup on herself and her computer my reaction wasn't anger for her carelessness - it was concern for her health (2nd degree burns that healed nicely without infection, thank you!) followed by making sure the mess got cleaned up and reassuring her that it was ok, a computer wasn't hard to replace. 2.5 weeks later I finally checked her old computer and some of it works, ha, will make a good back-up anyway.
I often remember Rodney fondly - How important is it? That thought comes to mind a lot, seeing so clearly what the important things are and how unimportant so many things I used to fret about were.
Tom comes to mind as well - picture them as having the words "Sick Sick Sick" on their foreheads.
Not sure this is an Al-Anon tool precisely but I often picture the visual of someone throwing a bucket of poo-ish stuff on the walls or on people, just to ruin their good time - I won't let anyone like that come into my life and that visual perfectly defines itself - no poo!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
For me it has to be the idea of doing the next right thing. So simple yet so versatile (sounds like an advertisement for a packet of wet wipes really) but I can apply it to almost every situation and it leads me straight to where I need to be. For example if something goes wrong (or too much is going right and I'm starting to panic) it brings me into now and out of the past and future, the 2 places where I usually do the bulk of my mischief. Or if I'm behaving badly and doing it wrong, even if I'm midway through a meltdown I don't have to be committed to the bad behavior, no matter what the situation I can stop, and do the next right thing. It's like my disaster stopper really. Everything else follows from there.
-- Edited by missmeliss on Monday 27th of July 2015 03:00:40 AM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
You all are the best! Thanks so much for letting me know which tool or tools helps keep you grounded.
I have an 'inquiring mind' so always want to know how things work and in this case how others are working it!
What comes to mind early this morning is that which we seem to rely on most often is not difficult, but rather simple (to remember and use).
Lovely shares and appreciate the insight from my extended family!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I am a bit late to the party, but yours is a great question to reflect on, Iamhere, thank you. The Serenity Prayer was among my first memories when I came to AlAnon and the first and most often used tool to date. The versatility and deceptive depth provide tremendous utility to me, particularly in the area of letting things go that I should not try to change.
Recently I have found myself calling upon One Day at a Time with frequency as I catch my mind reaching to pull concerns and worries from the future. I have noticed a real improvement in my ability to catch the predicting, say the slogan, breath, and let go. The slogan used to sound kind of sleepy and passive to me, now I see it as just what I need to reduce much of the mind clutter that saps me of my Serenity.
Finally, I would say that meditation is a tool that has helped me on its own, but also invaluable in focusing the power of my other tools. When I meditate, I first focus on quieting my mind, then recalling the Serenity Prayer or other slogan. In the solitude and peace that meditation allows, I recall specific moments where I have successfully used the slogans along with the accompanying positive feelings. I also think about an existing issue where I am struggling and mentally rehearse using and applying the tool or slogan, and focus on the feeling of serenity that follows.
I was introduced or began using these three tools more regularly when I came into AlAnon. Using them, the wisdom of the program, and the ESP of other members has made an incredible difference in my life; I am so grateful. Thank you all, thank you AlAnon...
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
"like some of the slogans - what others think of me being none of my business being probably my favorite because I used to worry a lot about what others might think - as long as I can look myself in the eye in the mirror, I'm good. I absolutely love determining if something is mine to fix or not - what freedom it brings me NOT having to fix the world."
This resonates with me :) i am using detachment on a few people in my life (not just AH) and this ties in with that and it's liberating!!!
Thank you to everyone - your responses are extremely helpful to me as I consider my best next steps for advancing my program/peace/serenity!
I meet with my sponsor tomorrow so plan to discuss for guidance.
Love and hugs to all here on this journey - without your input, I'd probably settle where I am....I want to keep growing!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I'm with Debb. At my first meeting a year ago the topic was detachment. If I didn't go to another meeting for a year and just worked on mastering the art of detachment, it wouldn't have been a wasted year. I apply detachment in so many situations, especially lately with my own kids (they can be little emotional terrorists!), that I'm grateful to have it in my tool bag.
I use a few daily, but the readings when done first thing in the morning it makes the day so much better with my mind on track! Detachment and the slogans keep me serene if I grab onto them throughout the day with a dose of let go and let God!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I like the 'Just for today' bookmark in the 'Welcome packet' that I got when I started Al-anon. The one that helps me daily because I can get some anxiety on my job depending on what I am doing ( I changed it up a bit) is:
"Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for '1' hour that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."
I love 'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"
A familiar one to me. My now 21 yr old adopted son from Thailand just 'had' to get him a tattoo on his forearms in the Thai language when he was about 17. He had picked out several quotes and I came across that one that he ended up liking which was better than some he picked out. It was one I feel he would relate to for many years.
I find it interesting that we each find our most important help in different things and all things Al-Anon.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I love them all, they have all given me a new life and changed me for the better. Detaching with love had the most power in my life and it seems that each tool has a dominant place in stages on my journey. Right now, the serenity prayer is good for me, back at step one and its helping me let go of controlling thoughts that have crept back in. It seems i am a grown up in some aspects but a spoiled three yr old in other aspects of my life. Thats ok, these tools are helping me reprogramme the inner child and are helping me be a woman more and more. Love alano, so grateful.x
Thanks all - and yeah....where else can we go and be a part of a group that wants to get healthy, happy and be better people through a simple program with choices.
Love the ESH here at MIP and love this program. It's given me an opportunity to be a better person, be a better friend, mom, wife, daughter, sister, etc.
All I can say is WOW.....lovely!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The instruction said at the end of each and every one of my meetings gave me hope and answered the question I had as a newbie fresh in the rooms. My question was how in the hell am I ever going to get this and then the response..."If you keep an open mind...you will find help". That resulted in my first miracle in progress. OPEN MINDEDNESS...LISTEN, LEARN, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PACTICE. Love this subject. (((((hugs)))))
Lovely shares everyone and know that I thank you for your input! I've got some things written on a list and just trying to shake things up a bit. I'm like a kid - I have to be challenged or I loose focus. The best way to challenge me to to work on learning something new/different or change up my routine....
Hugs to all - glad we are on this journey together!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Like has already been said The Serenity Prayer is my first *go to* I break it down into 3 parts , God grant me the serentiy * let me calm down so I can clearly see what is going on- to accept the things I cannot change * is there a part in this for me to fix , courage- if there is do it* and the wisdom to know the difference , learn to walk away and leave the problem them .. How Important is it , is also a biggie for me . I don`t` have to take part in every argument that comes my way , I can let it go but my all time fav is This Too Shall Pass. I am never going to go thru the same thing at the same time again with the same people , it dosen`t` say It came to stay . I love the slogans but am also a fan of the one liners i find in our forum magazine Happiness is not a destination , it is a method of travel ..
-- Edited by abbyal on Monday 3rd of August 2015 04:54:49 PM
Boy the ones that come to mind for me are not "necessarily" Alanon slogans, but they sure help me. The first one came from my lovely, gentle, kind mother. "Not my circus, not my monkeys". I say this in my head a hundred times a week! Also the acronyn for THINK - are my words True, Inspiring, Necessary (a big one for me) and Kind? If not, they are not going to help anyone. Finally, in the tug of war of relations with my AH I have to "drop the rope".
I am still so new and I admit the serenity prayer is my mantra...
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Bethany - I have a gal pal who had that put onto a tee.....I love that one also - even if it's not from our program!
Thanks to you and abbyal for input/lovely shares!
(((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I love this! I made a Positive Statement wall in my bedroom, some with the Al-Anon slogans and some quotes that are inspirational and encouraging.
I have found Progress, not Perfection to be important for me and has helped me tremendously.
One Day At A Time is so important. I don't fret over the future and put it all in my HP's hands. Some days easy than others.
The slogans help me have a small bite to chew on, and is easy to memorize and then apply in situations where I need them.
Other tools other than the slogans are the serenity prayer- it helps ground me.
I also remind myself I am powerless over alcohol, people, etc. I work on myself and remember to follow my HP.
What has helped is detaching with love, which has helped me in some ways. Unfortunately my A pulls me back into the
pit. I have a ways to go.....that's where the progress, not perfection piece takes over.
I also remind myself to be easy on myself. I am my own worst critic and learn to reprogram the tapes of negativity that constantly play in my head.
I hope this helps!
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Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well. Anonymous
Thanks for your share gabigail - super helpful and more to ponder!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
There are so many tools that I cherish. Slogans are ready reminders that help me stay between the ditches. The ESH from fellow travelers help me learn and maintain perspective. Simple participation in service (whether setting up/breaking down, facilitating the meeting, or - most important of all - just showing up) reminds me that we all have something to contribute. I also enjoy sharing with my home group that meetings are like showing up at the community tool co-op. Everybody brings their tools and throws them in a big pile, and all are free to "take what we need and leave the rest." The neat thing is, tools can be taken by many people and yet still remain in the pile, available for as many as need them.
But, far and away, the Serenity Prayer has proven to be the go-to tool of choice for me. In its deceptive simplicity, it reveals a profound depth of layers and meaning. One time, when I was in crisis (while actually driving on a 500-mile trip), I spent probably two hours parsing the prayer out word by word, and doing so was a moment when my program took on new life.
I'm loving this thread. It's a great way to lean into Tradition One, reminding us that we're all different yet all the same.
1911A1 - thanks for sharing - I love the visual I got when you discuss the tools in the big pile, and we are all free to take what we need....
So true - the fellowship in my F2F meetings as well as here @ MIP are beyond words for me. I seriously don't know where I'd be without this program - grateful!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
One of my favorite slogans that i learned at my first Al Anon meeting completely blew my mind. It made me stop and rethink everything. And I am still trying to do it, and still often failing, but generally making progress in that I do it a little more all the time:
Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean.
I am a naturally fearful passive aggressive person. Each one of the three pieces is huge for me.
To say what I mean is opening myself to ridicule, and to snarky comebacks. I don't like that. I am a perfectionist, and don't like conflict. So it's a struggle for me to even say *anything*.
To mean what I say is more of the above. To leave out a negative piece so that people feel a little bit better of themselves, or I feel a little bit better about myself, is a huge enabling tendency on my part. I rarely tell my wife things that are hard for her to hear. This makes me seem like a nice guy to casual acquaintances, but to those who know me well, I am found out to be too weak to try to stand up for myself, or to correct others when I see unacceptable behavior. This is why it took me a couple of years to really know that my wife had become alcoholic.
And don't say it mean - well, as I said, I'm passive aggressive, so I love to say something snarky, turn around, and walk out (maybe run if something is going to be thrown) to make my point. It actually just rubs salt in whatever wound I may have opened up.
So, there's my fave. Hope it helps. Sorry to go on about me, but that's why we're all here, to learn about ourselves through others.
Love it, love it and love it more!!! I use this one often too - practice, practice, practice for me. I was so used to defending myself against craziness that this one doesn't come as naturally to me as others!
Thanks so much for the share!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
That's another good one.......I've heard it but always forget to use it!
I've also heard, when it's a difficult time, to use, "Thank you for the pain HP, I wouldn't have it any other way!"
That's another that is powerful and I forget about at times!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
