The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I'm suppose to be doing the grownup thing .. I'm sort of doing that I am sending out resume's at the moment.
Well, here I sit at Starbucks and I'm eaves dropping on a conversation between two very attractive women and one of them had kids. I couldn't tell at first. As a woman I am always shocked because I know I do this too .. should I text him .. should I not .. listening to the conversation and her revisiting her text to the guy. I finally lean over and say .. Honey .. you are an attractive woman why are you doing this to yourself? Her friend/sister? started laughing and says OMGOSH .. this is what I'm saying! I said I'm so sorry it's not my business however why as women do we put so much focus on the HIMS of the world?! Do you really think they are that worried about us? I don't find that to be the way men think. That's just me .. lol .. she went into her divorce it's not finalized and so on. So of course we start talking about that and I explain a little of what I have been through in terms of atty's and I haven't started dating and it's been a LONG time .. I know for me I'm not ready and I do not want to be stuck in singing the HIMS. Boy did we laugh and I hope it made her day and gave her something else to think about. I think the funniest thing is that we exchanged atty information and I told her I know her X's atty and he's good, he won't allow it to drag on forever and that's a good thing. He'll also make sure he looks out for what is best for the kids. That at least is my experience with him. I explained I had been doing this for 3 years and she was shocked .. it is what it is. I have no dating advice except to encourage her to be ready to date .. personally I'm not .. however I'm in transition as well. I do know I'm not going to chase anyone around asking for their approval or if I'm doing the right or wrong thing.
It is surprising how I have under valued myself in terms of me. I have no advice to give in relationships except to thy own self be true. I'm just done apologizing for being me. I dare someone to tell me to tone it down I intend to shine that much brighter. I guess I just came to the discovery that I have worth and value just as me .. even when I make mistakes and do stupid things it doesn't make me of less value as a human being.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Serenity.....love the share!!! I am always amazed when I hear/listen to women and hear what you heard - should I, I wonder what he..., etc. After those experiences, I am often so grateful that I have a program that has taught me to sing a different toon/genre that 'HIMS'.
I have so much more to learn and so many more experiences to experience but can say that I value myself so much more today as a direct result of working this program and the steps. I have decided as part of my self-journey that I enjoy doing and learning about home improvement. Every now and then, a friend (well-meaning) will say, I don't understand why you are doing that. Why can't your AH do it? Well - I have come to answer because I choose to and I enjoy learning.
They just look at me like I am crazy. Their question/reaction doesn't make sense to me at times either, so it's just two different ways to look at things. I've worked hard to limit my expectations and I'm now comfortable with that. Not everyone (esp. those outside this program) understands that, and that's OK too.
How funny that you got to share a little ESH outside our family! Kudos to you for engaging. I love it.....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great awareness Serenity Please continue to review your assets and "know" that you are an intelligent,courageous ,educated wise, loving, compassionate woman and have much to offer.
I see this problem a lot with many women, and even more so with my friends in program. Heck, even I fall into it with my dating relationships but I now know how to self correct that undervaluing myself, put the focus on the guy, kind of crap. Thank you for reminding us that we all have much to offer whether we're single, dating, married, divorced, widowed, whatever.....
I love that you were open to sharing with those women, I know I probably would have done the same thing, lol!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Well, to follow up the weekday story I was on fire which doesn't take much with the kids out of town you will never believe what kind of trouble I wound up in .. these young women I was with made me lol because I was being hit on and holy cow what a cutie .. can we say Tatum Channing and he was old enough for me .. lol. I thought oh no .. I have been single way to long .. my friend looked at me and said are you SURE you want to move and ohhh yes that is a man I could set the town on fire with and that would not be a good thing. I want something more .. lol .. we'll come back for a visit so that will be a good thing. I think because I'm in this mode of I just am not worried about what other people think I bring out a different aspect of others things they don't show the rest of the world because I saw him catch himself a couple of times and I enjoyed that a great deal.
There is so much personal power that is not about ego or pride or vanity just being authentic to me. I had to laugh big time. The two ladies I was with laughed and said holy cow who are you and what did you do with D's mom .. LOL .. ehe .. it is what it is and I have enjoyed conversations and just being relaxed about things .. sort of .. now if I can answer the burning question .. what am I doing with the rest of my life or at least the next 9 months I'm on a better roll. LOL!
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
