The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was on vacation last week with AH who is currently in recovering and doing well and my parents and brother's family. We were set to all have dinner at my parents house and it ended up getting started late (shocker with four kids under 6 all running around). Well we finally get ready to sit down and eat around 8:30/8:45. My youngest who is 3 was not enticed by the cartoon we had put on for the kids and wanted to come and snuggle me during dinner. My brother made a few back handed comments on how I needed to be more strict and put my foot down and let me tell you the gates of hell opened up with my rage. thank goodness the kids were not outside at the time but I was yelling and crying like a crazy person. Of course the parenting comments wasn't really what I was completely reacting too, though if you knew my brother and his family he is certainly not the person to be making comments or giving parenting advice either as they too have their hands full. But wow, did I give him and my parents an earful on how I didn't need the judgemental remarks when I just got through dealing with all the crap I have been dealing with with my husband in recovery, detoxing in a hospital, trying to keep the household together with two small kids and working a full time job 5 days a wee. Funny because just when you think you are dealing ok with the stress of everything, something so small just puts you off. They were walking on egg shells around me the next day. I have to find the funny side to this because I have always been a person who bottles up their feelings and is laid back (my brother is the one prone to outbursts) so an episode like the one I had is very very rare. My brother did appologize which was nice. The whole thing just made me realize that I have a LOT of work to do on myself.
(((Hugs))) Jazzie - It happens to the best of us. I've done that and then had to clean up after my mouth ...er self. I've since gotten back into exercise, walking, prayer and meditation and the steps which help me truly live one day at a time and not bottle up that 'stuff' that may explode at the wrong place/time.
I am certain they all realize that it is the 'love' pouring out of you!!! Hang in there and know we're just a post away!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi Jazzie, Like yourself,Debb and IamHere I too often exploded over seemingly small provocations. My sponsor suggested that my habit of not addressing my feeling, and making my needs invisible contributed to these meltdowns.
She suggested, more meetings, working the Steps, using the slogans where I would learn to validate myself in a healthy fashion. Keep coming back it works.
Better out then in I always say!, My favorite line from Shrek. I can relate to this and it is good to hear your awareness and know you realize you are doing the best you can in the moment. Keep coming back! Sending you love and support on your journey!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
For Me I Think Sometimes Outburst are Needed in Order to Re-align My Boundaries with some of my A's & FOO Family... My Family is that of Manipulating Monsters... its is All we have Ever Known, and once you can see the Game Clearly thru Al-Anon Eyes... I have Learned to Detach from Said Behaviors, I have a Older ASis that has an Opinion about Every One and Every thing under the Sun, and If I'm Not Careful I can Crawl Right back on the Judgmental Crazy Train she Rides 90% of the time...
Those Closest to Me know Easily which buttons to Push to Drive me to Outburst, I have Got A lot better at "Voting with my Feet!" when I Feel Insulted or Put Down, because If I Remember that "What Others think of Me is NONE of My Business!" I am Easily Reminded that Their Problems with ME are Not My Problems... But Usually a Reflection of Who They Are... or Are NOT... When I Get Up and LEAVE the Room they are Speechless and Don't have a "NEXT MOVE" or Insult because well, I just Busted their Bubble, and Walked away...
So I Say Don't be to Hard on Your self, we are All Works in Progress here, and we are Seeking out Our Path to Serenity and a Better Life for Us, So Hold your Head High and know that Sometimes things like this Must Happen in order for us to Realign Our Boundaries and get back on track ;) Little Slips like this are Nothing more then Growing ;)
Please take what you like and Leave the rest... Friends in Recovery
I love your title, because its funny and it describes me sometimes. I should make a sign I can put up and take down.
I need to stay close to my meetings. I need to connect. Thank you for this reminder. It helps so much not to be hard on myself, because otherwise I would be in horror over my behavior. It has improved so much since I got serious about this as a life-saving measure. My contact with my HP leads me to the blessings I find in meetings and MIP. So good!
