The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Saturday was the last day of marriage counseling. Our counselor was incredible and awesome and no words can ever express my gratitude. I had some angst with leaving his care, but I know if I use all tools available to me, it will be just fine. Strange to think we finished because at this time last year my A was busy banning me from talking to him every other day because he couldn't get himself together. He started at the ripe old age of 15 in our sessions and through the weekly visits we were able to laugh on this last one that all of us were proud that he has finally made it into adulthood.
I still have fear of the unknown as his probation date is getting closer and he will be done on paper. The counselor told him that instead of looking at having the hammer lifted and he is free, think of the heavy hammer being replaced with love, love of himself, his sobriety, his life, his wife, family etc. I thought that was cool and figured out how to use that even for me. I feel so much happier though today knowing that there are no guarantees, he knows what to do and I don't have to worry about controlling, curing or changing any of it. So my hammer is being replaced as well.
Thank you to the many that have helped me along in this journey. It just keeps getting gooder!
__________________
Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
Congratulations and love the positive outlook! Isn't it amazing how time and work can make the outlook so differently?
Not sure if this helps but I was court appointed to recovery when I first arrived. At the end of my papers, my outlook/life had changed so much for the better that I chose to hang in recovery. So - free of papers, I made the choice to commit to the better life in spite of the never-ending allure of the alternative. May that same 'gift' be given to your AH and may you have peace no matter what happens next.
PS - that was 27.5 years ago....one day at a time!!
(((Hugs))) to you and yours!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Iam!!! Thank you for the words of inspiration. My A says he wants sobriety, loves his new life, is even thankful he was court ordered to recovery because he would not have made it without that. So whilst I don't or cannot right now trust and believe in him....his words are different this time, his actions are different this time and every day he is sober I am grateful as well.
Keep up the great work! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Linda
Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own worries
You are very welcome! My favorite tool from the other side is to call your sponsor or a program friend BEFORE you pick up the substance. That was a game changer for me over and over and over again.....life happens and the pull of the 'quick fix' still creeps into my A brain at times. Most things are the same for both sides but a relapse on the other side can mean death. On this side, it can be a bit different outcome - both suck and are possible but a good sponsor and phone numbers were critical for me for the other side!!
(((Hugs))) to you both - give him an 'attaboy' from me!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
