The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We humans don't like change. We like our routines, our ducks to be in a row, and to be secure. Living with an alcoholic rarely gives us that. Even life after the alcoholic has left, rarely gives us that. I have found that I have to be content in the moment. Live for Today. Just for Today. Change is inevitable however, we can't avoid it. I am finding myself under the stress of a lot of change recently. The loss of my mom, which meant loss of my job (caring for her) and an income. I have been filling out applications like crazy and finally got a job interview today. It's at a warehouse, and I'm not sure how I feel about that, but beggars can't be choosers, right? So to the job interview I'll go and let go and let God handle that part of it.
Now as far as relationships go, I've made a mess lately of that too. (as previous posts have alluded to). I have been trying to break away from my alcoholic for years now. We were divorced in August 25, 2009 so we are coming up on six years. We still see and talk to each other regularly and I'm not sure what that is all about. This I have talked about in previous posts. I have also been talking to a man that I met in an Alzheimer's support group. He lost his wife in March to Early Onset Alzheimer's at 54, and I lost my mom to Alzheimer's and Ischemic brain syndrome in May. She was 92. We have become romantically involved and took a long trip together just 3 weeks ago. My ex-AH had been leaving us alone, but as is usually the case with him, when he thought someone else was interested in me, he started coming around again. I was weak and had a slip with him, in fact several. My new boyfriend is about a 6 hour drive away, my ex-AH is about 20 minutes away. I am grieving the loss of my mom, and I'm just not very strong right now, and he knows that. For sanity's sake I've backed off from the bf and told him I needed more time. I also explained why. He has agreed. I have also told my ex-AH this, and that I need to distance myself from him. He has not accepted it. I have not accepted it, or at least I've not been able to keep said boundary.
Now my daughter is going to move to South Carolina to go to a school closer to her boyfriend. I may move with her, just to give myself some distance from both men. I need to work on me right now, and it is getting increasingly difficult. The daughter just came in, so I will end here. May post more later. Really struggling today.
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I can hear my former deceased now sponsor's voice as I read your post and what he helped me with in changing the things I can. He was the one who told me to "Listen to your story as if you were someone else and see what you come up with and then come up with a suggestion you are to follow in order for the chaos to change". The best listener I had in my life at that time was him, Don T so I listen to my stories as if I was him and came up with an instruction he taught me. STOPPPPP!! He instructed me once and never had to do it again. I use that command as often as I need when during my inventories on my choices and their outcomes that are continuing to keep me in trouble. Do an inventory on this subject with your sponsor and yourself and see what you need to STOPPPPP!! in order to regain that last word of step 2. In support and thanks for the memory of old lessons in recovery. ((((hugs))))
(((Overcome))) - boy...I too think Jerry hit the nail on the head! One of the gifts of this program is our ability to slow/stop ourselves, do an inventory, share with another and turn it over asking for relief and a changed outlook/approach. Give yourself a break and take some time to surrender.
We're all here - sorry that today is a challenge and so sorry for the grief you feel for the loss of your mother...Remember that we're just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
