The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading for July 20 speaks about some of the destructive ways in which we attempt to control and manipulate others . It points out that wanting to "know" why the alcoholic drinks or when sober why he does what he does is a question or itch for which there is no scratch. The reading goes on to state that some of us never get over trying to figure it all out but that since we are not psychiatrists our research is going to end in frustration and that it is best to just accept the fact that it is impossible to figure it all out and it is also unimportant.
What is important and within our God-given powers is to understand why we're doing what we're doing and why we confuse and complicate our own lives. When we focus on that and discover the answer to those questions a good many of our troubles will vanish.
The reminder for today goes on to state that every time I catch myself trying to figure out other people's motives, I should stop and ask myself, what did I say or do that prompted the action. Why did I react as I did? In other words keep the focus on ourselves and try to understand why we do what we do and say what we say will promote our own recovery. Regardless of what the alcoholic does.
The quote is from Thomas a Kempis; "Leave off that excessive desire of knowing, there in is found much distraction. There are many things the knowledge of which is of little or no profit to the soul."
When I examined my motives and try to find out why I was so interested in figuring it all out. I discovered that it was because I believed, that if I figured out why the person did what they did said what they said I would be able to change the situation, making make them see it my way and win.
Finally, accepting that I was powerless over people places and things and that no amount of knowing would change that fact reinforced Step one. Thanks for letting me share
Thanks Betty for the daily and for the ESH.....I am such a creature of habit, I went to get my C2C and couldn't figure out why it seemed so different today! Ha-ha-ha......
It took me a long time to realize that there is an inverse correlation between knowledge and peace. I was raised to believe that 'knowledge is power' and so I was a over-analyzer and asked a zillion questions about everything, everyone and ....
I now realize that the less I know the happier I am. When any of my As are 'in their zone', I can choose to just say, "Hummmm...." or "You may be right....." or Just a Nod. In our home, it's so unusual and different for me to not ask a bunch of questions that most heated discussions and arguments are gone.
I figure if I am meant to know more, they will be forthcoming in their time to share. In the meanwhile, focusing on myself and my growth and my defects brings far more joy than I expected. It is amazing that simply not asking, "Why?", "When?" brings about a different level of peace but it does in my world of recovery.
I love the quote - while the phrase "Knowledge is Power" may reign in many circles, I agree that it's not good for my soul.
Make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Very powerful page, thank you for sharing, Betty. This concept helped me so much starting out and reduced my stress, exasperation, anger and frustration immensely. I appreciate you tying it into to Step one because this page does supply a reminder and mini test on whether I am working the step or stumbling over it.
I, too, was an intense investigator and researcher of other's motives and drove myself to near madness over the mysteries and contradictions I saw from alcohol. This page is so helpful to remind me that it doesn't matter why the Alcoholic or anyone else does anything, really, what matters is how we decide to handle it. We do have control over that.
The Program is simple but works powerfully. If I catch myself getting caught up in why someone did something or wishing they did it another (my preferred) way, I need to revisit Step one.
Thank you both for your shares...
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
This was a wonderful share, Betty: thank you very much. Your motive for desiring understanding resonated with me. I am working hard to keep step one as my focus each day, and plan to read this again tomorrow morning to set my Tuesday foundation.
