The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We talked this afternoon and I asked him again what he meant by some of what he said to me because some of it didn't make really any sense. Because of his age, health problems and lack of social contacts what he says doesn't come out right. This can be very difficult to deal with because I usually have to ask him again what he means about things he will tell me and keep questioning him until I understand. He is having memory problems. We watched a movie the other night that I could tell he didn't remember we watched a few months ago. I didn't tell him but it was so upsetting to me.
I'm not making excuses for him. I know I need to be cautious and realize our relationship may never be the same. He is glad I am in Al-Anon because he knows I am still dealing with issues with my ex and he said today that working on myself will help our relationship. But I am not going to go see him as much as I was. I think we need to sort of take a break from each other.
I appreciate all of your support here on this forum!!
Congrats. to you for having a conversation with your A that gave you some level of understanding and comfort. The only person who can decide how the relationship between him/you works is you.
I am one who had expectations based on what I 'thought' relationships and marriage should be. Those expectations were far from the middle of my reality. I've since let go of my expectations and am always focused on loving and accepting my As exactly as they are. That doesn't mean I have to accept unacceptable behavior, but it does mean that wanting them to be different, better, etc. is not being true to me, my HP and to them.
Stay close to your program and no matter the outcome, you will be OK! We're always just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
