Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Tashaking18 · Newbie

New to group!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Tash Welcome to MIP. I'm so glad that you found ua and had the courage to reach out for support with such honesty and clarity.

As you no doubt know, alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease over which we are powerless. It can be arrested but never cured. Wewho live with the disease, develop many destructive coping tools in order to deal with the insanity on a daily basis. AA is the recovery program for family members who drink and Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members.

In Al-Anon I learned to break the isolation caused by living with the disease of alcoholism. I was given constructive tools to live by and a place to learn how to use them. Al-Anon taught me to keep the focus on myself, examine my motives, live one day at a time and how to allow others the respect to live their lives as they choose.

Face-to-face meetings are held in most communities and I urge you to search out a meetings schedule from the hotline number in the white pages. Each member in the family could benefit from attending and I urge you to keep coming back you're not alone

catlover26 · Veteran Member

I started my local Al-Anon group a few months ago. It has already helped me to try and focus on working out some problems in my life so I can have some peace and not worry as much about the A in my life.

My A has been sober 30 yrs but still deals with other issues. I think most people would tell you that it doesn't work to try to confront an Alcoholic and ask them to stop drinking etc. Depending on the situation if you were at her home and she is drinking I would think you could leave so your children would not be exposed to it. But from what I have heard others talk about it only makes an Alcoholic more mad and stand off situations like yours occur where no solution is ever reached.

Going to Al-Anon meetings to be able to talk about your situation would be a great comfort and help for you. Al-anon.org will tell you where your local meeting is or you can call (1-888-425-2666) .

You will also find much help and support here. Glad you are here!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Catlover!!! good going starting a meeting....I've done that when there was a need, mine and others and it has always worked out well...Good for you and Good for them Yay!!

Tasha often times in my recovery the silent treatment was the best4 treatment available...and of course you can still hug and rub cheeks with others. That is called body language and so often it is better than verbal. Loving body language is soft and warm and reassuring. Get to a face to face meeting and when the meeting is done you get the greatest language available. Keep coming back. (((((hugs))))) smile

Tashaking18 · Newbie

My Al-anonmeetings in my area are a bit of a drive for me. So this is the next best thing for me.
My mother lives in Alabama. We went home for part of June/July to
Visit. I asked her to try and be on her best behavior with
The kids. I stayed till July 5th. July 4th was ruined by her getting stark raving drunk and then the next day before I left I told her to please just keep her drinking excessively to minimum and not to go over board. So basically for two
Weeks she's probably gone through withdrawal and detox. And didn't have a drop while keeping my kids. But when my father and mother brought them home she was coarse and silent. And since they have left my father and I have both decided she will speak when she is ready. She's waiting for an apology from Us. Because she is blaming us for not letting her drink. But I'm not giving in this time to her selfishness. Thoughts on embracing her silent treatment and not giving in ?

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Tashaking -

Welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad you are here.

There are two meetings daily here @ MIP - the schedule is at the top left hand side.

In the Al-Anon program, we learn to take care of us and keep the focus on us. We learn to set boundaries that are protective and self-preserving. Most alcoholics become very self-serving and self-centered as the disease progresses. The thinking of an alcoholic is affected and through alcoholic thinking, they are able to justify and rationalize everything and anything.

For my situation, the silent treatment works at times in that it gives me peace to collect my thoughts and focus on me/my program. It doesn't work as a punitive step, as the disease is stronger than anything I got - I tried everything too to affect a different outcome for my As.

Embracing the Al-Anon program, tools, principals, and working the steps with a sponsor brought about my recovery, in spite of what they are doing. If I am bothered about a situation, person, event or exchange, this program has taught me that I need to look at what happened, why do I feel as I do and what is my part in it? I then do better if I can so as to not interrupt my serenity.

So glad you are here - keep coming back and know that we're just a post away!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Tash I believe that your decision to allow your mother the dignity to speak with you once she is ready the best action possible.

We have online meetings here, in the chat room two times a day. If you are unable to attend face-to-face meetings. These will be helpful.

As far as handling the silent treatment, I know that at first it may seem difficult but as time goes by, accepting the fact that this is what she chooses and that you are powerless over her, will set you free to live your own life and keep the focus on yourself.

My husband tried the" silent treatment "often,, and in the beginning it would bother me, I would try to get him to talk, etc. and that did not work. Finally I accepted that I was powerless over people, places and things and that his talking was not that important. What was important that I keep the focus on my self, discover what I'd like to do, not react to the insanity about me, and respond to life on life's terms. The amazing thing that happened was that he stopped using that tool in the argument.

Keep coming back.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene