The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
if I have learned anything from these FTF meetings, is that life is too short. I get myself wrapped up in who is right or wrong or the insanity conversation that doesn't make any sense.
So tired of both. Today I want peace and happiness. Pretty simple stuff but so hard to find each day. It is a hide and seek event to find some joy in my life. I do get some happiness if I just ignore my AH everyday.
I am tired of the merry go round ride. I feel sorry for my kids who have such a unstable child life. They don't understand what they do that is wrong and neither do I.
This world is exploding with drug and alcohol abuse and sits around and doesn't do anything. This world is going off a cliff.
Even though everything is chaos, if I lean on God, it doesn't seem so bad and I can get through another day.
I wish I didn't feel like I was rushing every minute To get everything done.
I am suffering another conseqence of having to move and unpack because he lost and found another job. This time I don't care if the house ever gets unpacked. He can't count on me to pick up the pieces. I just get up and get out of the house and use his line "there is nothing wrong, your crazy" ! It feels good to just not take care of his problems. If he wants a picture prefect family, they dont exist anymore.
I miss my Alton meetings. I have to start all over finding new friends. Nothing is ever stable in an Alcoholic marriage even if it is nailed down.
Sorry I am venting but I haven't got to a program for a long time...
Welcome hopeswims Glad that you found us and reached out. I agree we need Hope and Joy i our lives and learning how to respond to life and not react is one of the ways to find it.
I hope you can find alanon face to face in your new community. Keep coming back here You are not alone
Welcome to MIP Hopewiims!! I could feel your share. I remember when I felt so alone, so hopeless... just on a journey of one crisis to another on a train ride I absolutely hated.
Then I joined Al-Anon and someone had to point out to me that I was missing so much of the ride, because when I was looking at the floor, wishing to be any where but where I was, there was some beautiful moments of scenery passing the window I was sitting next to. I needed to learn how to stop "waiting for the next crisis" and learn how to live in the moment. What I found is that there were moments to enjoy, that I didn't have to withhold laughter from coming out of me, I could smile and be okay with it, my having a good sense of humor was not a curse, but a blessing. I could embrace the person I loved, and let my joyful moments on this journey, this ride be inclusive, not exclusive and hold them all to my self... as a form of punishment against the A in my life... (yes we all have probably done this).
In short, I learned how to detach "with love". I didn't need to hate my situation or my life, but I needed to participate in MY life. When I needed a time out, I could go to my literature and read, with a warm cup of something next to me... I could just pick up a phone and call my sponsor or a person in my support network and just enjoy a conversation with them for a few minutes. I did not have to engage in every debate or argument that was presented by being in a alcoholic relationship. Instead of screaming at my alcoholic who has just come up with a absurd alcoholic idea, "are you crazy, you want to ...blah, blah, blah??? And set the stage for a debate or argument based in alcoholic insanity, I could smile, even wink and say..." Sounds like a great idea, let's sleep on it and think about it for a day or so and talk some more about it then. Who knows, right?" (alcoholics love hearing they have a "great idea" LOL)
Just a few things I had to learn alone the way. Today I am still on the journey, still sitting next to the window. I am enjoying the ride. Yes, there can still be those trying moments, what felt like earth moving crisis at one time, but in the bigger picture, the ride I was on before was so miserable, only because I was so miserable. I was not good company to myself or really most any one else around me at that time. Today I live, love and laugh....
You can too.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
I too welcome you to MIP - glad you found us and so glad you posted!
Hope and Joy are my daily goals. Even if and/or when there is chaos around me, I can chose hope and joy so long as I work this program. I have been fortunate to not have to relocate - that would be a challenge for sure. I hope you can find a great new home group and a great group of friends.
In the mean while, we are here and just a post away!!! If possible, keep doing things for you and your happiness each day.
(((Hugs))) to you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You sure have landed in the Right Place ;) I too am one that Needs to Feel Hope & Joy Daily, I Can't say this Roller Coaster is Ready for it everyday, but I Do Start my Day with a Positive outlook on what I Can make of One more Day to make it a Wee bit better then Yesterday,...
This disease is so Unpredictable and/or Predicable so much at times it drives me crazy, If I Let it...But For Me, When I Quit Noticing His Actions and Put More Attention on Mine that's when My Healing Began ;)
I too Wish you the best of luck on your New Journey in a New Place, finding a Nice F2F to Escape to from time to time would def. be a Refreshing New Beginning ;)
Very Glad your Here, and hope you KEEP COMING BACK....
