The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
To follow up on my first post, like I said... "the way to break up with an alcoholic is NOT to get into a relationship with another one." And unfortunately that is just what I did. Like I mentioned in my last post, I had started dating a guy that I had met in an Alzheimer's support group. He had just lost his wife and I had lost my mom to Alzheimer's. He also just happens to be a 36 year member of AA. I know each and every time I got into a relationship after a marriage broke up, it was a set up for failure. I know I have not been married to Tim for ten years, and he might not acknowledge our relationship as anything other than "friends with benefits", but I need to give myself time to heal from this. This becomes increasingly clear as I try to disengage from him and not get pulled back into the relationship. Jerry F mentioned that I might just be "settling" for what I can get out of this relationship, and that very well may be true. I am grieving the death of my mom right now, and it seems like when I am hurting, the only person I want holding me is Tim. So I broke up with the AA guy. Tim is also an alcoholic of course, just not in AA. He is also actively drinking, as I smelled it on him (even though he wasn't drinking) today when I visited him. So, I know he is drinking enough to have it evaporating through his pores. Funny thing is I just don't care anymore. I don't care if he drinks or doesn't drink, I just want him.
I don't know where I am going with this other than to say, I feel like I'm back to square one. Whether it is love or addiction, I don't know; but right now in some odd way I feel better for having seen him. I have no expectations of the future, and not sure what the future even holds. At present I'm looking for a job and also will soon put my house up for sale, so I am not thinking that this relationship will somehow magically work out. I think I'm just holding on to it now because that is what's familiar and with my life upside down right now with mom's loss, familiar feels good. Yea, yeah, I know... feelings aren't facts! lol
I see a geographical move in our future (my daughter and I) as I'm wanting to be close to where she will be going to school, which is in South Carolina. I am hoping that at that time I can put this relationship behind me. I also am not fooling myself that a geographical cure is necessarily going to work. I just know I can't stay here. So I guess it's back to one day at a time and take care of Lisa.
Overcomer (Lisa)
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Lisa - huge (((Hugs))) to you. I think grieving tends to make us want familiar as we are dealing with a loss. You've got your head wrapped around your present and you've got a plan for your future. I tend to believe we are exactly where our HP wants us to be and we learn and grow every step of the way...
I love your closing - one day at a time and self-care. What more could we want in this program? You are OK and will be OK.
Keep taking care of you and trust your HP - we're all just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hugs Lisa. I think you sound firm in your program and like you are living in reality at this point in time. You will be OK, as others have said. As you said, it's now one day at a time. I love that slogan because it's one of the best ones for keeping me SANE!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
