The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for July 15 speaks about how Al-Anon is an individual program and that each member can work at their own pace. We are each encouraged to keep showing up , use the tools we are comfortable with and move through recovery at our own pace. There are no should's or timetables.
The reading goes on to say that when we are struggling with our difficulties we can be grateful that no one in Al-Anon stands over us with a stopwatch telling us that we are taking too long to learn a lesson,
. Slow, nonjudgmental listening is a great blessing or the program . This is the gift we can offer each other when we attend our meetings,or share on the Board or person to person.
The thought for today suggests that today we try to extend respect, patience and courtesy to others.
The quote for the day is the Sioux Indian prayer ; "Great spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins"
This is a powerful page to read and reread. It is a constant reminder of one of Al-Anon's basic principle- that we can interact with Al-Anon tools being supportive, without giving advice.
Prior to program I always thought that giving advice was very healthy and helpful and caring of others. Program has taught me differently.
I also must note that prior to program giving advice, analyzing problems, made me feel powerful and smarter and better than others.
By examining my motives, and learning to be caring and empathetic to others without feeding my ego, had become a true gift of this program.
I learned that I can show concern and love for others by helping them see their assets and pointing out a constructive tools they might consider.
Thank you for sharing Betty. this reading made me appreciate the patience of my sponsor. She has been very understanding of my forward and sometimes backward steps. I loved when I learned ours is a gentle program. That helps me on those days when I do not feel I am at my best.
I also have come to consider my motives before giving advice. I always have to ask myself if I am giving advice with some type of expectation in mind. If I feel that I can say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean-- AND let go of it once it's been said, then I proceed.
I too thank you for the daily and the ESH! I too am so grateful that we get to work this program at our necessary pace. I love that we can go backwards as well as forwards. I love that there are no timelines, no pressures, no exact rules for how to, etc.
My brain tends to love structure and there is just enough for me to progress without pressure. What a gift!
This is one of many readings that helps me stay mindful of humility. I am more teachable when I wear my listening ears and I learn so much when I practice patience, humility and gratitude.
Today is my F2F meeting - I tend to really enjoy going out and about on Wednesdays because of the meeting in the middle of my day!
Thanks to all for the lovely shares!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks, Betty!
This was a great reminder for me today. The timetable thing...
I seemed to advance so quickly in my program at first, only to get mega-bogged down a few months ago. Since then, I have been reminding myself that not even I can dictate the pace of my own program, and I need to progress at the pace that is right for me, whether I like it or not, lol!
One day at a time and taking it easy on myself has been very helpful. The other thing that has really helped me is to set my intentions for the day in the morning. When I do this as a part of my morning routine, I help myself to think about my day in a realistic way - how much can I actually expect myself to be able to accomplish and commit to doing, as opposed to the never-ending list of things that I ought to get done. Very helpful to keep me in the moment and keep me working at things at a realistic pace.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Prior to the program I also thought I was doing a "good deed" by telling people what to do. Then I learned that I didn't know all things about their lives and I was not doing a good deed at all..... and what if they actually did what I told them what to do and then it all fell apart on them?
As far as the timetable goes..... I was a very slow learner because I didn't know what I was doing there. I married into the disease not knowing I was not marrying "normal". I didn't even know that AlAnon existed.... until it was suggested that I attend. As I went to meetings and realized how abnormal I had gotten, I got very angry.... very, very angry. Then I had to work on myself..... or drown in anger. It took years to both become aware and then go through acceptance and action. Whew. I just had my 15th anniversary in AlAnon. Woo-Hoo!!
*****This is a powerful page to read and reread. It is a constant reminder of one of Al-Anon's basic principle- that we can interact with Al-Anon tools being supportive, without giving advice. Prior to program I always thought that giving advice was very healthy and helpful and caring of others. Program has taught me differently.
I also must note that prior to program giving advice, analyzing problems, made me feel powerful and smarter and better than others.
******
This page touches on several powerful points; thank you for your honesty about your own experience. I, too, delivered advice freely and inappropriately, all the while feeling that I was helping...oh, the irony... AlAnon helped me realize that that I was trying to make my life manageable by trying to control and change the things I could not: all others besides myself.
AlAnon reminds me to look to my own actions and behavior with honesty, to determine my true motives, often cleverly hidden. My AlAnon journey has been extremely humbling as I explore how my impatience towards others and advice giving was really an attempt to control the things around me, while I was not in control of myself. This realization stings, but when I hold that awareness I find it so much easier to Live and Let Live and Accept the Things I Cannot Change, to feel peace, to feel Serenity...
Thank you, Betty, and thank you AlAnon...
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I split the steps into 1-3 please, 4-9 sorry and 10-12 thank you...
over time I learned to apply this to myself, mostly...
.....if I was struggling I would just share, share, share... if I was okay I could pick up on other members... especially newcomers on Step 1. Sometimes I would join others struggling through the middle steps! ...
Sometimes I would focus on Step 7 Humbly asked my higher power to remove myshortcomings... lol... okay so that took a little practise, but that is okay in recovery- after all, it is a journey... ...
...
...