The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've only been going great to al-anon for a week and 2 days. I have heard so much about how i have no control over my ah'a drinking. 8 days ago it got so scary that I decided to leave. I've never even threatened to leave before and then there he was wanting to try to make it work. I told him that if he would try to quit drinking and go to meetings I would try also. I started going to al-anon the next day and he went to a meeting. Well he went to two meetings and decided that he didn't want to do it again. Its worked for him before. I am so disappointed that he doesnt want to change. Like someone punched me in the gut. On the other hand, I am so glad I found al-anon. I am so happy that no matter what happens I will have people to listen to and talk to and for the first time in years I feel like I might be ok. Not right now, right now I am crazy, but I might eventually be ok. This morning he lied to me about texting another woman, ando he refuses to talk about it today. He said he would quit on his own. I didn't think my expectations were high, but today he drank the first beer that he has had since. I am having such a hard time trying to not nag or cry or manipulate him in any way. I know he is sick. I just don't have any skills yet to know how to detach myself. We are going to a comedy show in a few and I wish I was going to a meeting instead. I really need one.
Welcome to MIP - so glad you found us and so glad you are here! Thanks for your share too.
Detaching gets easier with time and practice. There is no magic process to make it easier for you - but you can do simple things, or at least I did in the beginning.
I always held tight to the Serenity Prayer and the Slogans + the 3 C(s). Those were easy for me to recall quickly when I was faced with a crazy/challenging situation. I have found that trying to rationalize with an active A is so pointless. The best you can do is focus on you, plan for what makes you happy/healthy and turn it over just for today.
I hope you can set aside the anxiety you have and enjoy the comedy show! Make that your goal - not him, not the past, not the future - the moment!
Again, so glad you're here and know that we're just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You have taken the first steps already. You are actually further along than many because you are going to actual f2f meetings and it is resonating. Part of detaching involves broadening your support system and deriving happiness and meaning in more areas of life. So you have made some good steps. Keep up with alanon and more will be revealed....
Detaching is a process, it doesn't happen overnight. I remember thinking there was no way I was going to detach with love, so I first focused on detaching with anger or indifference. Then it slowly transitioned to a loving thing because I was allowing the other person to live their life as they saw fit. I was accepting them and their circumstance as truly being theirs and not mine. I found peace eventually but it came through working my program, talking to program friends and using those tools, and in praying to my HP every day.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Welcome Darcy I found that repeating a slogan over and over in my mind when tempted to react helped me stay in my own Houla Hoop and gave me enough time to think and respond and not go off reacting-- that was my first step to detaching.
It is all a process and we look for progress not perfection
