The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things are still going well for me, and my AW is still sober and working her AA program, and I am moving closer to finding a sponsor in my face to face group.
This weekend, we are going north to the small hunting shack my grandfather built. The foundation is sinking on one side, and the shack is threatening to slide off in the other direction. So, the plan is to use the house jack to take the weight off that side of the foundation, straighten out the foundation blocks, and lower the shack back onto the foundation. Should be a learning experience!
I am concerned about the trip because we have never gotten through a trip north to see my family without alcohol. Last summer, my wife had "roadies" in the car and got to know all the little bars in the middle of nowhere out there. So, I worry that this will be a challenging trip for her.
In addition, there is the whole family dynamic that makes things difficult for me to really express myself and follow through on choices that are good for me. So, for me, this will also be a challenge. I will really be putting my "say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean" skills to a test.
I have a listing of all the meetings within 100 miles, and I am going to hope for the best.
I think in the area of things I cannot control and am nevertheless worrying about, I have how Chloe is going to fair at the kennel, my mom's behavior, my sister's behavior, some possible conflict between my wife and my father, not being able to take a break from the family (there is literally nowhere to go for 20 miles, and that distance brings us to an assortment of bars...), changing plans, not being told of the plan that is changing to begin with, some flip out from someone...
As I list these, I realize that these things are not things that I have got to worry about or fix - they are things I cannot control, so I should just focus my attention on myself and what I am doing and let everyone else worry about themselves and what they are doing. And, hey, 20 miles is a lot of options for walks, should I need some time to myself...
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Okay I've got a bit of experience with the foundation leveling thingy...try to take two jacks with you and use simultaneously cause not only does it make the job easier it also makes it much more safe. Hydraulics are funner to use while screw jacks make you look like superman. Take pictures and let us see...good luck!! ((((hugs))))
Oh and of course the level...always want your program or cabin on level.
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Hugs.
Good thinking discovering the local meetings before going.
I think if you keep the last 2 sentences you wrote in your mind you won't go wrong.
Also yes, pictures!!!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
From reading your last paragraph, sounds like you have a plan. You've also searched out where the meetings are. Skorpi... you deserve to enjoy yourself. I understand your feelings about being separated from your dog (such a cute dog). I like to stash an Alanon reader in my bag when visiting family. Wishing you a great visit. ((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Hugs and positive thoughts sent for you and all for your trip home!
I think you've got a great approach - awareness, tools, plans, meetings, etc.
Don't forget to tuck your HP into the car with you as you travel and keep him/her close for the duration. I sometimes forget that I am not in control, HP is. If I just surrender each day, and pray for the courage to move forward, it seems to turn out reasonably well.
I agree with adding a reader/two and of course, make sure you have some phone numbers of program friends. Even if you don't have a sponsor, if you ask, folks will give you numbers to call for any issues/crisis. Taking a walk and talking with a program friend has saved me many times when visiting family.
You've got this - and no matter what happens, we're just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The fixing of the foundation was A LOT easier than I imagined it would be. A LOT. Just like putting a car up on blocks to change a flat tire, but the blocks have to be level. And, the 6-ton bottle jack really helped. We didn't even have to re-position it to get to any of the problem areas. (pictures below, good thing I am not claustrophobic!)
My AW stayed sober, talked to me about her struggles when she had them, and leaned on me to help her through the cravings.
My mom didn't join us at all, which brought the stress level down to lower-than average ranges for me. The bridge is out on the road we normally take to the cabin, and my sister literally could not figure out how to join us.
I stayed in a "go with the flow" frame of mind, and used my program tools to help cope with the entire situation. (It certainly did help that, once at the hunting shack, there is no cell reception and no landline phone. This means no last-minute changes to plans, because I just cannot get the message!)
The dogs were able to romp a bit off leash, and did not get sick! (Last trip, 2 of the boys were terribly ill the day we left. This turned our usual 6-7 hour drive home into a 13 hour ordeal with stops to clean the car carpet and upholstery.)
Chloe had a fantastic time at "camp" and didn't have issues with separation anxiety. Also no signs of fear aggression, yay!!!
No one thought to bring charcoal for the grill, so we cooked in cast iron over an open fire. The pan only caught on fire once, and that added a nice charred taste to the burgers.
It was a great reminder for me from HP that I really do need to take things one day at a time and deal with things as they are, how and when they happen, and not waste my time worrying about what could be or what might happen. When I think about how stressed and worried I was that something would go wrong, and then think about how fantastic the trip was, I see a TON of wasted energy and worry. I could even laugh at my worried self a little.
And, this certainly is a confidence boost for my trip next month, when I will be replacing the CV joint boots on my trusty Sonoma with my dad. That trip is scheduled for a few days after AW's court date, and I might actually be trapped at my parent's house without a vehicle for a few days, but I am confident that everything will work out as it should. And, I am going to not worry about it today, because that would certainly take away from my enjoyment of today.
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Great News Skorpi I am so glad that it all went well and that you brought your alanon tools as well as that" house jack " Love how well HP works out all the details from bridges being down to cell reception. :) Sounds as if your wife and the pets handled the time well and I am glad.
That job certainly sounded pretty challenging and the picture very impressive.
Glad you are back .
Thanks for sharing the success of using the program tools. Powerful and helpful share of ESH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks, Jerry!
