The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hugs Mirandac, not being able to sleep is a bummer and I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. If it goes on too long. I know I give myself permission to take melatonin and that works perfectly.
I understand your used to take care of everything so that your life run smoothly. You can still do that,-- you can plan your life, your vacations, movies you like to see improvements you would like to make in your apartment, etc. And that would be a fun way to entertain your mind before sleep.
You are rebuilding and is not easy but you are so worth it
(((Hugs))) Mirandac - insomnia stinks.....no what what's floating in the brain, it just stinks when we don't get good rest/sleep. That's one of my biggest triggers for reacting emotionally so I have to be on guard since I don't sleep very well to start with.
When I struggle to change the tune in my brain, I either read, "How Alanon Works" or the "AA Big Book". Both of these will clear my brain and allow me to sleep....this only works when I am already horizontal. I have also been known to say the Serenity Prayer over and over and over and over .... like counting sheep - which helps often too.
This too shall pass - surrender as best you can and try to turn it all over each day/evening.
Hang in there - we're just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It's the new environment. So much change all in a short span of time. Be gentle with yourself. Divorce is up there in the top 5 major life stressors, but so is moving.
((((Miranda)))
I can relate. When I first left my EXAH I thought I was going to move into my new place and breath a big sigh of releaf... Then be happy and relaxed. Not the case. It was awful. I couldn't even relax enough to just watch TV. I was walking on eggshells more then I ever had before. It took several months before I felt at home and at ease.
Thank you both. I am so glad i Found
A nice apt or i would have been Miserable.
My feelings and emotions seem To Have a
life of their own. Our life just went on
Except he did not live there and had a gf
Otherwise business as usual.
Now that has all changed and its permanent
That in itself is a massive adjustment. I have
Sent a few emails with information or a thank
You for sending my mail. I get no response back
That is fine. He only responds if he feels he
needs To defend himself. We are not totally
Untangled yet. I am trying to keep things civil
And upbeat.
Good change and bad change are both stressors. I hope things will fall into place and you'll get some rest. I imagine it will be piece by piece, and I think PC is right that the new digs are part of the problem. Like you said, it's a nice apt. Now it just has to become your apt.
Thank almostthere yes i think its stess related.
I am working too many hours not getting settled
In as easy as i would like and have to do more
Things now to make things run smooth.
July is a bear for me three long days on an island
And then my other job. Noboby is behaving and
Some clients belong in a nursing home so major
Stress besides my other stress.
I am going to rethink my health insur. job it is
Too Stressful. I have had too many changes
already So i can not change it just yet. I need
to be Thinking more clearly. Still have financial
Investments to deal with and its not my thing.
Transition is hard and i am feeling better being
Out of the marital home and away from him. Stuff
Just keeps bubbling up and i deserve peace not
More anxiety.
Both my bosses were being easy on me for months
Because of my stress and trauma. Now both things
Are coming on strong again. I can not take too much
Pressure or i want to run screaming. I do not have
Ptsd its from emotional and verbal abuse and betrayal.
No i am not on antidepressants i have been trying to
work Thru it.
Thank you all for letting me process what going on,
By all rights i should be happy and content. I will be
When i finally get settled in and hopefully totally clear
of him.
You have a refuge now. Celebrate! A quiet place to meditate undisturbed! This is going to be good for you, I can feel it! Play your music, watch your shows, sit in your silence or make your own noise, decorate with serenity inducing nic-nacs! Wash your own dishes, or don't! Who cares?! But be sure to be kind to yourself - you're your only roomate. I envy you!!
I do not have a radio or tv yet they need to be gathered
Among other vital things. Like a vacuum, broom alone
does Not cut it :) washer and dryer coming saturday i
Will do a happy dance on that alone so much to do and
Buy setting up a new place. I am frugal by nature so i
Am having a hard time spending and deciding.
Yes i am excited to be on my own to make my own life.
I realize my jobs need to change i work too much they were
Causing problems in my marriage too. I do home health care
And there is a lot of work out there if you are willing Especially
second and third shift.
My answers will come if i am patient and allow God to do his
Thing and be open to his wisdom :)
Thanks almost i know you are in a tough spot keep working
Your program. God did for me what i could not do for myself.
I hate this disease and what it does to people. I can only hand
My xah over to God to deal with him maybe one day he will face
Himself and at least get emotionally sober.
Mirandac, it can be hard to relax into new found peace of mind after living with upheaval. It can also be hard to get use to the absence of someone even if it's a good decision. Sometimes saying the Serenity Prayer over and over helps me when my mind is filled with thoughts and I can't sleep. Getting out of bed and journalling the thoughts has helped me to release them too at times. Maybe one or both of these things will help you too. It is a miserable feeling to lay awake, not be able to clear your mind and feel tired the next day. I hope you're being extra good to yourself today. Grief is a process of lots of seemingly erratic feelings that surface unexpectedly. Then one day you notice the feelings are not so intense any longer, you're in acceptance. Take good care, one day at a time. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thanks tiredtonite. This will be an ongoing battle
For awhile. I just need to get my feet under me.
I go to do something business wise nope do no
have that yet. I slept just okay last night. Still
loads Of anxiety and stress under the surface.
Mirandac, I know how hard everything feels when you can't sleep. I've had the same experience as you -- hard to let go of so many old patterns even when things have changed for the better. Just because you're living in a different place doesn't mean you've disconnected from all of that stress and anxiety of living with an alcoholic. Transitions are tricky! I hope you can be gentle with yourself.
I can feel my anxiety building to do with
My xah. He is in the home and i am Not
there. That feels very Strange divorced
Or not. We were still semi connected until
I Left 2 weeks ago.
Thanks Jen. Much better night last night
I did the serenity prayer a few times then
Before bed sternly told myself God loves
You as you are and i reminded myself again
That i could do this with Gods help and felt
Him giving me loving support and strength.
Just because i have moved and divorced
are Not stopping the emotions and feelings
coming To the surface. I really want to Be
free of him it will take time and distance to
get there. Keep working on me, yoga would
Be good for me too.
Thank you all for letting me vent and process.
I get impatient with myself sometimes. He has
A gf and has been a bad husband for 12 years.
Both of those things i should be able to just write
him Off without a second glance. Thats where i
Need to be fixed.
As you said, this too shall pass. You shouldn't have to 'write him off' just because he has a girlfriend or has hurt you. Healing and grieving doesn't work like that. It's a process. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself in a new way every day. Hold God close and take care of YOU. Your answers and peace will come as you work through acceptance but it won't happen overnight. Hugs and prayers for you today!
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Some years ago, I read a novel in which a woman had a large statute of a big hand in her garden. She'd climb it and sit in the hand when she needed to reflect on things because it reminded her that she was "in the hand of God."
When things started getting bad between me and my AH, I started thinking of my bed as the hand of God, knowing that I could curl up and relax because I was held and protected and I'd be fine. Now, over 2 years later, I think that every single night -- and it's an image that really helps me set aside my worrying, remember that I could trust that things would unfold as they needed to, and go to sleep.
Thank you both. It felt good not to think
About him Last night. I need to release
Myself from feeling connected to him also
To Stop worrying or being concerned.
This is my third time around in divorce
Care. I am getting better but still angry,
Hurt and bitter, i admit it.
Yes i can trust God and he has my back
And i feel his love when i open myself
Up enough to receive it. I just need to
ask or be willing.
Hugs Mirandac. I hope peace and serenity come your way soon too!!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I had the very same trouble with not being able to get to sleep soon after I separated from my AH. My counselor recommended a website that had free meditations that I could download on my phone and listen to at bedtime- and that really helped me. Let me know if you are interested and I'll PM you the link. Hang it there! One day at a time...
Hugs,
GE
-- Edited by Green Eyes on Tuesday 14th of July 2015 03:57:12 PM
I suffer from insomnia. Just want to say that you are not alone. I have been sleeping better under a doctor's care. I hope you find rest. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers.
Kathleen
