The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been in the program for 3 years and have basically stayed half in and half out of alanon. I have a hard time being really open and trusting of others. I have worked the steps a year ago but it was much too fast for me and I did not feel comfortable with my sponsor. I also look for things to find fault with. That is affecting my healing in alanon. I need to get another sponsor and work the steps and not do it half way. I Am tired of feeling codependant in my life. My worth comes from others around me. Will the steps help heal my codependency? I want to live authentically and un afraid of peoples opinions of me. Thank you for your sharing on this subject. I am tired of hurting and doing it all alone.
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
Hello Daisy, thank you for your clarity and honesty. When I first entered Al-Anon I could not trust anyone nor could I honestly work the steps, because I didn't know how to be honest with myself.. I used the slogans for the first few years and they helped me work the steps in my own simple way. Let go and let God was perfect for the first three steps, examine your motives, how important is it and keep the focus on yourself helped me to see my part in many situations.The 11th step prayer, in which I ask for knowledge of HP's will and the power to carry it out to me through many difficult time.
The Al-Anon principles and program have been developed in order to address all the negative destructive tools we used in an effort to cope with the disease of alcoholism.
Codependency making ourselves invisible, focusing on others for all these negative tools that we need to learn to let go of, so that they can be replaced with the constructive tools of Al-Anon. We can develop and see our principles and then learn to place principles above personalities in all our affairs.
Meetings, being honest, open and willing, making Al-Anon telephone calls and connecting with others all help us to learn how to trust and to develop our self-esteem and self-worth. I found out that gratitude and asset lists were a beautiful way to rediscover who I was. It is all a process and you are not alone so please keep coming back.
Hello Daisy and glad you shared with us. What I have learned in this program is I will get as much from this program as I am willing to invest. I too was not trusting when I arrived, and as long as I held all my secrets close to the vest and only invested 'partial' me to the program, I only got 'partial' relief. It is with time, a good sponsor and a serious commitment to working the steps as best I could that I found the freedom you seek - to be authentic and not concerned with how other see me or judge me.
I am hopeful that you can find the strength to give a huge effort to this program. It's not easy, but it is so worth it!
Betty leads the step/traditions here at MIP and will be starting over in the next week/two with Step 1. I plan to participate and hope you will join us too!
Hang in there and know you are not alone! We are all just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Only a part of the philosophy of trusting others came from "when you're tired to hurting you will reach out" I was beyond tired...I was suicidal. Take what you like and leave the rest was permission for me to be selective at first and so my trust was "qualified". I left a lot of ESH "for later" and that worked for me. "You didn't get so sick over night and you won't heal overnight either" was another truth I accepted and allowed me to be patient and happily expectant because I saw other new comers growing. I saw that just this morning at my Sunday Home group and its thrilling to watch. Give yourself more time with knowing what co-dependency is for you. I spent a lot of time with this word and phrase and meaning listening to my sponsors and the fellowship reading. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
That being said, you can not walk 100 miles into the woods and expect to turn around and come out in a couple of hours.
Time takes time and these processes like detachment are learned not felt. It's like learning to tie your shoes, (did you get that right the first time, or the first 10?) over and over and over we learn by doing and we love by loving and we heal by being proactive. We learn from our mistakes and we do not repeat them. We break cycles, but first things first..we become aware of them, call em what they are and stop making excuses. We seek guidance from the HP and we take actions to change what we can..This ALL requires dedication and commitment and PRACTICE. We too must go to any legnths..and change our thinking understanding that when our desire to please others is such that we will sacrifice our own happiness and welling being to do so..we become FAKE. That's the word..we are not true to anything not principles, morals..we live to & fro based on whatever the desires of others dictate and as a result, we become resentful, angry, depressed and just an emotional wreck. (Co-dependence is a form of approval addiction which results often from poor self esteem) Of course we do..for he who lives by or for emotions..lives without principles.
We acquire the skills of detachment, we learn to set boundaries..which are by the way, a measure of our self-respect or our lack thereof. Getting to a place where we can set and enforce boundaries is key for our well being..in more ways than one
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IF you can not be a good example; then you will just have to be a horrible warning
Thank you for this Ifnotforgrace. I am struggling with a great deal of what you outlined and needed to hear this. I have a lot of work to do and will certainly screw things up a few times before I get it right. I know I need help and will continue to seek it as I progress. This journey is all so new and fresh. I am very vulnerable .
