The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for July 12 speaks about Tradition five and discusses the importance of the section that suggests that we attempt to:" encourage and understand our alcoholic relatives." This Tradition also defines the purpose of the Al-Anon program. It points out that in order for us to offer help to each other or to have understanding for the alcoholic we should practice the 12 steps ourselves .
The reading also suggests that when we read this Tradition we often become confused, because we think that we are not supposed to encourage the alcoholic--but that is not so --We can be loving and caring people, have compassion for our loved ones without losing any sense of ourselves.
It points out that encouraging and being kind to others is one way of being good to ourselves and we don't have to sacrifice ourself in the process.
The reading goes on to review the fact that we must learn how to have sane and loving relationships in all our affairs. If we practice the Al-Anon program we can offer support to those we love and still take care of ourselves.
And the quote is from Benjamin Franklin; "if you would be loved. Love and be lovable.".
I must say that reading and practicing this tradition helped me to redefine all my relationships for the better. Working the 12 steps of AA myself was the key. . I discovered many misconceptions that had developed over the years regarding , myself and others and what love was all about. Learning how to treat others with courtesy and respect while still validating myself and my needs was a true gift of this program.
This principle gets heavy rotation in my 'work on' list, both with my qualifier and everyone in my life. With the help of AlAnon, I am learning to look at my own attitudes and behaviors when I am unhappy and realizing that I am responsible for much of them, and hold the power to change all of them. Yet before AlAnon, I had been, instead, lashing out in unloving ways when encountering disagreements.
As a surprise to no one but me, I also tended to use this approach in relationships and situations having nothing to do with alcohol. I brought my judgmental, impatient approach to many engagements where I felt that I was the one aware of the "correct" way to proceed.
AlAnon has gifted me a new perspective that reminds me everyone deserves the respect and dignity to hold and exercise their own beliefs and strategies. Even if they disagree with mine or even are ineffective for their intended purpose, I owe it to myself and them to treat them with love. This is possible by detaching and setting boundaries for myself so I can stay out of others' business and allow them to find their own path with the HP of their conception.
Thank you for sharing this reminder, and thank you AlAnon for guiding me to a better way to interact with others...
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thank you Betty for today's reading. I can remember one of my first post on this board was, "How Can I Stop Beginning So Angry At MY AH"?
Al-Anon and MIP have taught me so much!!
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Over the years I was always going from one extreme to another. Now I have come to the center and be what I always wanted to be. When I get off track and start sliding I beef up my program.
Thank you Betty for a focus on today's readings
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I too appreciate today's reading and it is perfectly timed for my world, as always!
With the program gifts being so many, the one that I get to work with the most is my reactions to situations that make me uncomfortable. Before the program, I tended to stuff a reaction or over-react - I didn't know any other way. Both of these left me feeling helpless, hopeless and often angry and resentful.
With the tools, steps and fellowship, I am getting healthier in how I react and handle situations. I do always have to pause, ask my HP for help and then ask myself, "What would a normal adult say/do in this situation? How important is it really, in the grand scheme of life and peace?"
More often than not, I choose to be happy vs. right. I do believe I have spoken volumes in the past relative to how I feel and think about most situations. There's nothing new I can say or do that will change how they act, decide, etc. What freedom in recovery!!!
Thanks Betty!!! Thanks to all others also for the ESH!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
