The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The July 11 reading in the C2C speaks about dealing with anger. It points out that many times we simply stuff our anger and deny reality or we go off in a fury, directing our feelings outward.
Al-Anon encourages us to acknowledge our feelings, to be responsible for how we express them and stop blaming, judging others because of the way we feel. It suggests that our problem is not that we get angry, but that we do not know how to direct our anger appropriately.I do believe, that I felt if I did not express my anger in a destructive way, I was not being honest, with the person that I was in a relationship with.
Al-Anon taught me that reacting in a hostile and angry way is not the only way. I can respond to situations in a constructive manner and still verbalize my feelings and validate myself in the process. What a great gift!!!!
The reading goes on to state that what we feel angry and like killing someone we can take a pillow and punch it or we can clean and release our anger in that way ---we can also communicate our anger, but saying what we mean me what we say without saying it mean.
The reminders is that feelings are feelings and are very important part of the recovery process. Learning how to balance feelings with appropriate action is another.
The quote is from Thomas Jefferson; "when angry, count to 10 before you speak; if very angry, 100."
I do feel that this reading spoke directly to me, as I either stuffed my anger or lashed out in judgment, blame and criticism of others. Al-Anon taught me to go inward, acknowledge my feelings, examine my motives, my expectations, my manipulative tools, and then express, in a constructive way what I needed.
This did not happen overnight and is a process, but I am extremely pleased that I learned to use different tools. I no longer walk around filled with anger, resentment, self-pity and fear and for that I'm eternally grateful.
Great reading! Anger and feelings are emotions that
Need to be processed and felt and moved thru.
I did the stuffing for thirty years, no more. It eats
You from the inside out. I love good healthy anger
And I even brag about it. It feels good and healthy
To face those things head on after you have
processed them.
Oh boy......anger and I were the best of buds.....I did not deal with my anger in a mature way until I got the the program.
I too am so much happier in the program and more sane. The tools, steps and fellowship give me exactly what I need to do when I am not where I want/need to be.
I used to do the counting and I don't have to as often any longer. Knowing that I am only responsible for my behaviors, actions and reactions gave me the freedom to choose how to receive and accept or reject another's actions/words. In dealing with my As, I tend to consider the disease is in charge and go discuss/process with my sponsor or a trusted program friend.
I've decided I would rather be wrong that be miserable. Even when I may be right, the aftermath of trying to discuss 'that' is so not worth it.
I used to do the counting and love that quote. It does help especially when I was new. It gave me time to process, calm down and pray.
(((Hugs))) to all and as always, thank you Betty for the daily & ESH!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Nice to meet you