The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've really been giving my power away to other people this week. The calls to interview have been coming and I had three this week. One job was more interesting because of location and salary. I managed to make myself physically and emotionally ill in the days building up to the in person interview. I looked for and found my interviewers profiles online then began estimating the interviewers who looked to be close to my own age to be so much more accomplished, professional, mature yada yada yada. Panic began to set in, shame. I began thinking how it would feel to just not show up. I felt frightened as if they would see my whole dysfunctional family history in this job interview. I know it's weird but the more I panicked the more my back ached, my head and the more I cried. Honestly, I don't know what brought this one but I thought I'd better begin spilling my guts about it to someone before the interview. I opened up about all of it at home all the fears I was having and got support and reminders about the things over which I have and don't have control and of the skills and personal attributes I would be contributing to this organization if they chose to hire me. I was really appreciative that another person in the program could help me see in myself the things I'd forgotten when giving my power to other people by seeing them as perfect and myself as flawed. I was able to regain my balance and go to the interview. It actually went very well and I learned that I was one of only three people invited to interview. The interviewers were easygoing and approachable and the job is not the dream job I believed it to be. They'll be calling people in for second interviews. I have other interviews next week with other companies.
It seems like these old feelings of not being enough can just crop up out of nowhere when it comes job search these days. I'm more qualified and interviewing with people on the c level now. That is something new for me and a bit scary. I'm trying to get use to it as well as know my worth as far as salary. This is progress though and the unfamiliar is going to feel uncomfortable at first until it becomes "OK, here we are again, you know what to do." Thank goodness I was able to reach out to someone in the program who reminded me about the good things I'd forgotten while becoming totally overwhelmed and fearful. I'm just glad this doesn't happen with every interview lol I would spend half my life sleeping from the emotional exhaustion. Glad to be feeling better and feeling my higher power's presence in my life. I know hp was present in that interview. Thanks for letting me share with you. Hugs TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Fearful....gosh there it is again...false evidence appearing rreal-ful. Sad you're going thru this again TT...you deserve a break today and other days too. Turn the negative talk off. Use self love. ((((hugs))))
I can relate to a lot of how you have felt lately TT. Different circumstances but that same fear based negative talk and turmoil. You would think we should know by now!!! Im not sure I can help but heres what Ive been thinking, my higher power knows whats good for me, I cant know so Im trying to relax into the outcomes and its not easy. I hate uncertainty because my mind takes off and makes up 1000 stories, mostly negative. Its a clear effect of the disease, the need to be in control and know whats what. Staying in gods will is so important for me, God wants me to be happy and have serenity. The turmoil and fear is my own doing, not the situation. Your not alone.x
TT - huge (((hugs))) to you!! One thing I try to keep in mind when I am job searching is they would not have called if they didn't like what they see/saw on the resume. Stay in the moment and remind yourself that HP has you and it will be fine. Go back to what works - meditating, prayers, readings, etc. You got this - I believe in you!
Positive thoughts and prayers headed your way for your successful job search!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you (((everyone)))) for the loving support. I think I may have been mostly responsible for ending up feeling overwhelmed. I hadn't prepared any many questions for the interview and there was no excuse for that. Because I hadn't prepared much it caused trepidation and then then came the downward spiral of catastrophsizing. I realize now that because of my own dis-ease I'm going to need to be mindful of that kind of lazyness which basically results in self sabatoge.
I appreciate the prayers, feedback and suggestions all of you offered. I was asked back for a second interview today but no one followed up with me to set that up. I did reach out because the interviewer had shown so much enthusiasm I wasn't quite sure what had happened. The hr dept. responded and told me people interviewed, I was the first choice of the hiring manager. This job does involve another executive as well. The hr manager told me that they were holding off and going to interview a few more people before bringing in the final person to meet the vp. I'm not really sure what this is about but a few things come to mind. It would make sense that they need more than one person in order for a selection to be made collectively by the team. My salary expectation may be greater than they hoped.
I do feel it's very good news. I did present a few intelligent questions but I am going to need to prepare more pointed ones for the second round. It's my understanding that the vp is a little too involved in day to day activities. I've already been quizzed about how I handle "personalities." If contacted for the second interview, I'll be listening closely to determine if this is a person I can work for and with. I'm praying that that will be made clear in communication, body language etc. - both mine and this person's. If it happens, I'll let you know how it goes :) Thanks for caring and for you es&h. It's such a comfort to come here and be understood. ((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
