The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODA T reading for July 9 speaks about self-pity and the ability of this particular emotion to entrench itself in our minds and keep us miserable.
The reading points out that self-pity comes from concentrating on the negative aspects of life . It then goes on to dissect self-pity and points out that it could be caused by envy of those who have more material things, a resentment of the monotony of not having enough relief from the daily grind or it may be because I'm critical of others or bitter and lonely because my spouse is attending AA meetings.
It Is suggested that we make an effort to make life more interesting and work toward a more mature attitude. One day at a time,In Al-Anon meetings, using Al-Anon tools, such as gratitude and asset lists, the slogans and the steps we can certainly accomplished this .
The quote is "to expect life to be tailored to our specifications is to invite frustration."
I know that when I examined my attitudes and attempted to work the fourth step in the beginning. I discovered that I did expect life to be tailored to my expectations. I truly believed if I acted a certain way and played by all the rules I could avoid any problem that others might encounter. How wrong I was! When this did not work, I was furious and filled with anger and resentment. Thank you Al-Anon for restoring me to sanity
As always, the reading is perfect for my right now
Thanks Betty.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I too had expectations that were not even closely aligned with reality. I always assumed if I worked harder, longer, etc. I would be rewarded. The 'harder' I worked on many issues beyond my control, the crazier I got instead!
Only when I came to this program and began to focus on what I could change, me, did I start to have some relief. This reading is good for me today as well - I always need to remember that life is a gift and focusing on what's right with my life instead of what's not right is a great tool to bring about peace and pleasure in the now.
I'm grateful for the tools, slogans, steps, sponsor and fellowship beyond words most days and thank my HP for bringing me here!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for sharing this, Betty. I found this to be the hardest hitting of my morning readings, likely because of the reminder that I am responsible for the feelings I have, good or bad. The feelings I corral and foster need not be dependent on the circumstances I am in or around; I have a choice, and the attitudes and behavior I display will reveal what I am choosing to focus on: disease or recovery.
Initially, I felt that I was the victim, justified in my anger and resentment for behavior I saw as unfair and undeserved. Pages like these from AlAnon remind me that I am responsible for how I feel and what I do about my situation. If I do not consistently remind myself of this through reading, meetings, and meditation, I find myself slipping into self pity or resentment at times.
Thank you for sharing, and thank you AlAnon for this healthy and empowering perspective....
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks you each one for sharing your wisdom and growth. Learning how to let go of self pity and resentments and replace these destructive attitudes with gratitude, assets and prayer all worked wonders.
Hey Hotrod. This one was for me this morning, especially "to expect life to be tailored to our specifications is to invite frustration." Good reading.x
