The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Tomorrow, as I may have mentioned once or twice, is ABF and my birthday. So after big plans went south we settled on a smaller plan of a movie and dinner and I was having mixed feelings about it, because yes I want to see him but no I don't want to deal with drunky and he's been that guy a lot lately. So on one hand he has promised faithfully to be on his best behaviour but on the other has made a point of saying he WILL have a couple of drinks with dinner which immediately conjurs images of drunk guy hassling the wait staff, criticising my meal choices, and then loudly cracking cans and talking throughout the movie. Once he even lit a cigarette in the cinema and was incredulous that people got upset..... And then I imagine him coming back to my place and raving at me until I lose the plot. It's just such pot luck with him; I never know what I am going to get but that scenario seems likely based on past experiences.
So to be honest I've been half excited and half dreading it and feeling sad in anticipation and yesterday said a small prayer of sorts that somehow it might all work out for the best with all of us safe and happy.
Anyway he called me this morning quite upset because he has come down with the flu. He sounded utterly dreadful which surprises me because he doesn't get sick, ever. He said he was cancelling the bookings and did not expect to be out of bed for the next few days.
It's not really what I had in mind But I guess HP knows things that I do not and there must be a reason I was feeling so uneasy and worried about tomorrow.
Now the weather people are saying that as of tomorrow we are due for an unprecedented cold snap with snow in areas that have never had snow before and torrential rains. Goody. So, I guess daughter and I will be staying in and perhaps a pizza from the expensive place will be about as exciting as it gets.
Hurrah.
AND daughter's father jut brought her home and he was SO STONED. How can he drive with daughter in the car like that? He will deny it if I say anything as he always does but its freaking dangerous and can't be allowed. His reaction times are so slow and he had a bad accident where I was badly hurt when daughter was a baby and he was stoned; I saw the other car and was screaming at him and he was so bloody wasted that he never even swerved. I. Am. Furious. He couldn't even get a sentence out and just stood there licking his lips over and over and half grinning like a moron. Daughter said he hadn't smoked anything but I know that man very well; he would have baked it into muffins and be congratulating himself on how very clever he is. GRRRRRR
-- Edited by missmeliss on Thursday 9th of July 2015 06:11:23 AM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Dear Ms. M. I'm sorry that your birthday plans have been changed.--- It's interesting to see how HP works in mysterious ways. As I was reading your opening, I was thinking that you have new tools that you did not have when living with this disease.
You can draw boundaries, you can validate yourself,, you know how to say what you mean, mean what you say without saying it mean and you know how to keep the focus on yourself. If you did go to the birthday celebration you would be okay.
Your EX driving stoned with your daughter is another story---. I'm glad she's home safe.
Birthday will be all right. I actually enjoy staying inside and warm when its pouring with rain, although I'm also meant to deliver newspapers tomorrow which isn't going to be much fun in a deluge
I'm not too fussed about it as we have other nice things to plan like a trip in November and another one next year.
It will be the first time ABF and I have not spent our birthday together (it actually marks our 10th anniversary) so I feel a little bit sad that I won't see him although it usually doesn't go well anyway. I did purchase a gift and arranged to have it delivered to his house tomorrow and at the time I wasn't sure why I was sending it there when we were meant to see each other so deep down I must have known somehow, and I'm glad at least that he will have a surprise to brighten up his bedridden birthday.
And you're quite right Betty, driving stoned with daughter is another story. I need to take action to deal with Captain Ganja. I'm not sure what exactly but it cannot happen again.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I am one who also believes that we are led down each path for a reason. So sorry that your birthday plans have changed - I 'know' you well enough to anticipate a great day with your daughter! Just keep working your program and trusting HP to continue in your life - he's got you all in the palm of his hands.
The second part, daughter with Ex while he was impaired, is one of a variety of 'fears' I have always had in my world. I trusted my HP in this situation as well as it caused me great anxiety for many years. The serenity prayer was my go to prayer over and over again whenever my AH was driving around with my boys - it worked!
(((Hugs))) to you as you anticipate your birthday tomorrow!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Missmeliss, sorry your plans were changed but I'm sure you will have a nice quiet evening spent with your daughter. I too like to celebrate birthdays. My last few were spent with my kids, my parents and sister. My AH was usually MIA or would say "wait when is your birthday again?" I tried not to be so hurt but it was extremely hard. This last one was really the last straw for me. He was supposed to come to my parents house for diner but never showed (nothing new). When I got home he said his van wasn't running properly but yet he made it over to his drinking buddy's house several miles away. My parents only live 2 miles from us. He also could've ridden in my vehicle but God forbid he is "stuck" someplace with family with no escape.
As for your ex driving stoned with your daughter--ugh ugh ugh! My AH would say the same thing that he was "fine" to drive the kids. I wouldn't allow it if I knew he was drinking. He also liked to smoke pot. I believe pot also impairs the brain. Slow reaction times, etc. It must be so difficult because since he's your ex he has visitation with your daughter and she obviously wants to see her dad so naturally she is sort of sticking up for him saying he wasn't smoking. Trust your gut instinct. If you think she shouldn't be driving with him do what you have to do to keep her safe and don't feel bad about it.
Just wanted to say I can certainly sympathize. And have a wonderful birthday! (((HUGS)))
It's all good.
I've decided that in the morning we will brave the elements and go to town to the art supply warehouse and buy soy wax, and wicks and fragrances etc. I'll use the money that was to be used for a night out. And then we will look through the opshops for jars, tins etc and go home and make soy candles all afternoon
That'll do just fine.
I've actually never made a big deal of my birthday or cared much about it but made a decision a few months ago to start making an effort to celebrate my own occasions and not just everyone else's as I have always done, which is why I am determined to do something enjoyable this year, one way or another.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Hope you have a great birthday celebration with your daughter. Lots of things in your post for a gratitude list in my humble opinion. Wishing you a very happy birthday! (((hugs)))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
You may wind up having one of the best birthdays you've ever had because you aren't sitting there waiting (and dreading) for the expected hell to break loose! I love my drama-free special days! Embrace the day with your daughter - love yourself because you are supremely loveable!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
But I guess HP knows things that I do not and there must be a reason I was feeling so uneasy and worried about tomorrow. 
