The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am blown away that my EXAH passed on so many behaviour issues to our son. For 3 yrs plus We did family counciling, individual counciling, the EXAH continued to lie and grow in addiction. Became unsafe (to even have him come around) hence why he is ex for over a year legally now.
Now my 10 yr old is OUT OF CONTROL Always has been a "problem " child with high ADHD levels and mild tourettes Now diagnoesed with ODD ... and social disorders .... I see the traits of his father coming to full scale minus the addictions ... at this point his addiction is harrasssing and lying... he has a a few incidents with our pets, he has even started stealing what he thinks he should have from his grandparents home etc..
I have set up new counseling thru state/government to try to get more help ... The ex is in 1/2 way house for next yr .. His parents keep everyone and the child stirred up, so I am now letting them know he wont be back until he can learn some self control and to follow simple rules ... honestly by the time wkend is here I let him go becasue I need the break!! this is only thing I havent tried so .. Im gonna suck it up and spend wkend nights crying in my tub out of frustration just like week nights... So plz include him and me in your thoughts !!
Any suggestions greatly appreciated !!
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
So sorry you are having to deal with the challenges of a child with MH disorders.
Our tools work well for this too - keeping things simple, one day at a time, attitude, meditation, etc. We went through this with both and I feel that in our case I don't know which came first - the MH issues or the addiction. Seek out any/all resources you can and just take it one day at a time.
One of my boys was very into art - I always made sure there were art supplies around the house. My other was into sports, so we played a ton of catch in the yard. I found that which they could enjoy and what they fixated on and we spent tons of time 'there'.
Hang in there and know we are just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((sweetr)) I am sorry to read of the difficulties that you are encountering. I can certainly identify.
It does sound as if you are attending to the situation by consulting all the right people. I just would urge you to attempt to get yourself to a few more Al-Anon meetings, make Al-Anon phone calls, and try to connect with others who understand as few others can. You are not alone.
Sweeetr, I as well am so sorry you are experiencing such difficulties!
I could not see anymore beyond what Betty and Iamhere have suggested.
I know when I am upset with something that I have to immediately face,
I talk to you all on this board, until I can compose and think straight again.
{{HUGS}}
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Aloha Sweetr...compassion and empathy for your ODD son. I am also ODD and for me the solutions are and were adding more thinking time before my decisions otherwise the decisions become reactions and reducing the amount of fear in my life with the increase of love. My ODD was directly tied to my fear levels. My reactions were directly tied to my ADHD...I did pay attention to what was real I just acted as if it was real while not knowing. My ODD disorder had lots of support from the disease which created havoc in my life and left me with making the best decisions I could for myself without the understanding of how to come to best outcomes. My first reaction was to Oppose and then Vehemently resist those in my life who attempted to hold positions of power. Of course it got me in tons of sad consequences on a daily basis. It never healed completely and it is much better. Presently the ODD will facilitate my frustration and lack of patience and not very often...I can deal with it better with empathy and compassion which is how I feel for your son right now. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Working day in and day out with kids who have those diagnoses sweetr, I can just give some basic suggestions.
1. Be consistent, firm, but loving.
2. Make sure he knows you love him even when you really don't like his behavior.
3. Don't trash his dad to him or say he is just like him in a bad way (not saying you do)
4. Make sure you rely on supports for both him and you. He has special needs and should qualify for services...in school and at home
You also need support from other moms dealing with this.
5. Don't forget self care for you. Don't let yourself run on empty if you can help it.
pink....thanks so much .. I do #2 and #3 very well .... Im working on consistancy more... sometimes I give in, when I am fixin to break and let something go I shouldnt ...Im working on this !! And the rest too .. Thx much for all the responses
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..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
