The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The ODAT reading for July 8 speaks about how our mood and attitudes are expressed not only in our words but in the tone and volume of our voices. I also feel is expressed in how we write. I get the sense of your joy from your email and that cheered me.
The ODA T reading goes on to suggest that we really listen at an Al-Anon meeting and discover the hidden attitudes of the speaker. It notes that for those who are actually working the program and walking the walk, their tone and manner of speaking shows confidence, humility and compassion for those in trouble and an honest acknowledgment, , that they are not masterminds to solve everyone's problems.
In those who are still bound to their own happiness we hear beyond their words angry judgment of the alcoholic, self-pity and a grim determination to win no matter what.
The quote states "by listening to more than mere words, I can learn more than mere words can teach.".
I do believe that by using all the alanon tools, my attitude has completely changed. I feel the serenity deep within and I am no longer attracted to the adrenaline rush and insanity of chaos and anxiety I prefer my serenity and work hard to maintain
Thanks Betty.
I notice this also when listening to my own self; I still frequently revert to judgement, self pity and winning at all costs but I hear it in my own voice and it makes me feel horrid and uncomfortable now. Luckily another thing I have learnt through al-anon is that I can stop at any time and start from that moment so, even if I have complained and carried on like a lunatic I don't have to be committed to the attitude, I can stop, breath and do the next right thing, and that's a much more comfortable place to be in
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks Betty! It's an amazing gift that by working The Program we can have a revolutionary change in attitude. Choas & drama, I'm not attracted or interested in that today. Big change for someone like me who was in the midst of a 20 year storm.
I had a reality check last evening with one of my As. It was raining (seems that's become our norm for now), and he was stopping by between the bus stop and his work. He let me know which was appreciated, and I offered a ride because of the rain.
Needless to say, when I got 'there', he wasn't. I called and he said he was coming out. I waited a bit (not a good waiter) and out he came. Well - he was under the influence which violates one of my boundaries....but was already in the car. I did panic and ended up asking and it started the whole drama scene that I've worked hard to avoid.
I did catch myself and got quiet as I was hurt and angry and didn't have a ton of 'love' at that moment. Once he took off for work, I spent some time praying, meditating and processing and sent an email with my apology for my reactions. I did restate my boundary as lovingly as possible and moved on - fixing my attitude for the balance of the evening.
Working my program is easy when things are going right. Sticking to it when things go different than expected is a bit harder - but I am grateful for the tools and self-awareness that allows me to self-check, right myself and apologize.
Today, I'm all about the gratitude attitude. It is the best tool to start my day with and helps keep me program centered!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experience with this interesting topic. I do agree practicing Al-Anon principles in all my affairs works very well when life is going well. When I am challenged by an unexpected event, my immediate "reactions" tempt me to my old ways of being. Thanks to Al-Anon I can recover quicker, know how to make amends and move forward. That's a heck of a lot better than the way it was. Progress not perfection is my goal
Progress not perfection is my goal