The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am just sitting her and laughing as I remember what the active alcoholic BF said last week. He was complaining about the amount of money spend on food. He says I only eat 4 dollars a day as I am not home. Since I work night shift and I sleep all day. I am not around to eat. Quit cooking meals and letting food go to waste, it cost money. I reacted with I cook because I enjoy cooking and having a decent meal and I will stop cooking for you, don't worry. He said some other things but I can not recall the words. Anyhow, since that sick comment I had to laugh as I thought if your only eating 4 dollars a day how come you have such a huge belly? How come you come home from work at 6 am and run straight to the fridge to see what you can eat since your hungry? Who was the one that went grocery shopping with me this past Saturday as we needed fresh fruit and veggies and other food? Who is the one that does not get up till 4:00 pm, leaves for work at 4:45pm and has no time to make lunches if I do not make it? 4 dollars a day for food, I wish I could live that way. Who is the one that takes coffee in a Thermos daily? Lets see how much 4 dollars a day could get? A loaf of bread=$199 per loaf, sandwich meat=$3.99 per can, mustered and ketchup=$2.99 each, lettuce=$1.99 per head, can of coffee=$12.99, and lets not forget the cream and sugar, and desert to go with the sandwich. (these are Canadian prices) The math does not add up very well. Maybe its time to invest in my own fridge and cupboard and let him defend for himself and his 4 dollars a day! The insanity of what comes out of their mouths is unreal...in fact its funny when you take a objective look at what they are saying and doing. I should have said to him when grocery shopping, remember your budget, you only have 4 dollars! lol
I did divide the cupboards and fridge actually, because of the very same garbage. He insisted if it wasn't for me and my "fancy tastes" he could live on $20 a FORTNIGHT worth of food. It was costing me a fortune and making me constantly angry to have him refuse to contribute to groceries and then eat everything I bought and then criticise me for buying it!! Gah!!
It was a good move and allowed me to stop being resentful. He bought cheap nasty stuff and complained that he was "sick of noodles" and I just learned to nod sympathetically and say "that sucks honey" while I cooked proper meals for my child and I. Actually I was sincere because I love those cheap nasty instant noodles and I cannot eat them so it did suck to see and smell them lol.
Anyway I was much happier and much less angry with him which was also way nicer for me, and for my child who didn't have to endure an argument when I served him dinner every night because I only cooked for her and I. Yay!!
Totally recommend shopping, cooking and eating separately. It totally freed me up to focus on me AND cooking became an act of self-care and enjoyable rather than a constant resentful attempt to please the master...
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I had to laugh because I love those cheap nasty noodles and can't eat them either!! ;)
Food struggles are hard. My A has much different eating habits and although he loves my cooking, he can eat whatever he wants and not gain weight, and he's lost a lot of weight since stopping drinking.
However I am a middle-aged woman and although I'm active and healthy, I gain weight if I even look at a picture of food. His subtle criticism of my eating habits is difficult, since he is the one who can have chips and cookies and popcorn and hamburgers whenever he feels like it but I try really hard not to eat those things. I think the separate-cuisine system is a great idea and I may be adopting parts of that routine for myself. Thank you!
Good for you for have a sense of humor huh :) concerning his ridiculous behavior. LOL Maybe you could ask him to hold out his hand, place the can of meat in it, then say oops just a minute, I forgot your change and place a penny on top of the can. OK I don't think I should be encouraging this lol Hugs! TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Although my ex was not an Alcoholic, he was a workaholic and to me his sickness was just the same. He fussed at how much I was spending on groceries. I had some health problems at the time so I just told him he could start doing the shopping and he did.
But they can become so hypocritical. On one hand he criticized me but then our last 2 years of marriage he started eating out all the time and wasting money that way even when I was trying to cook some meals for him and my son to eat. Yes they become or I can speak for him, he became so irrational on what I did was wrong but what he was doing was perfectly fine.
Yep. It cost him. Our marriage. Because he wouldn't change anything.
I used to make changes in the way I did things or fight to prove my point after my AH would gripe about ABC or accuse me of XYZ. Sometimes I used to fall for it in positive ways too, he would suggest we spend Christmas in Key West this year and the very next day I would be researching and planning... all for not. I have learned to take everything he says while drinking (negative or positive) and translate it in my head as 'blah blah blah blah" cause that's how much value it holds. Its hard to do, its a shame we even have to do it, but it has saved me a lot of emotional anguish. (((HUGS)))
