The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sometimes I forget how important for me to stay humble. I was around a huge group of women today. It was not an Al anon meeting. But it was a very important place for me to be to continually learn & be teachable. I feel like a kid compared to the women who attend this group. I guess because of my experience in Al anon it really doesn't matter. Saying this actually makes me feel silly. I am very careful not to say anything to stir anything up. These women are not program people at all. The topic got on alcoholism. It was part of the study. I could've put my two cents in on that topic but I felt like what I said might be inappropriate. I guess I am not ready to really open up to this group. Some of them know my mom. I don't really want to talk about her too much. For all of you who don't know, my mom moved to CA last year. She wasn't well but she sold her house & a lot of her stuff to move down there. I was kind of at a loss. She did however come back up here for a little while because she couldn't let go & ended up back in the hospital(the same psychiatric hospital that she was in before.I guess she couldn't get the proper treatment down there. So lucky us we got her back for awhile.
I am sorry I went out on a tangent there. I guess I am still a little bit bitter about the whole mess she caused. I still talk to her occasionally. And I miss her but she doesn't say that she missed me. I guess living the high life is what she wants. She has her cake & eats it too. I wish I could be that irresponsible. I guess my sister is finally accepting the fact that she is never going to change.
Enough of that! Back to program. I am grateful that I can express my feelings w/o judgment. I am qualified to be here. Humility has made me realize that there is a God & I am not HIM. I will continue to ask HIM to help me w/ my shortcomings. I am still a work in progress. I am sorry if I don't always have the ability to say exactly what I am thinking all the time. I hope whoever reads this will understand that I have sanity right now but that doesn't mean I am cured. I sometimes feel that I am a hopeless state of mind & body. I never know when a good night's sleep will come. I am going to continue with my progress. I don't know about anyone else, but I am dependent on that good night's sleep to keep me going & out of the hospital that I have managed to stay out of for nearly 10 years.
I appreciate your share! I was curious with the subject line but when I read it, there are parts I can certainly relate to.
I have decided that my life goes much, much better when I actively listen and keep quiet. Like most people, I have an opinion on just about every subject. But, I am learning that unless I am asked about it, it's not than important. I can tell you that it keeps me calmer to focus on listening. I can tell you that I also am more relaxed in social settings as I am not formulating a/my response while I am supposed to be listening. I've also learned in this program that it's OK to say, I don't know what I think about that.
I have a son who is very free-spirited. He's newly sober (again) and very young (23) with one baby and another on the way. Any ways, they continuously talk about a shortage of money, but founds the means to take a vacation. I attempted to teach him and his bro about finances and responsibility, and they are both A(s) so it's all about 'in the moment'.
Needless to say, after he get's to his destination, he calls me and wants me to run here and get this and deliver it to another location - paperwork for a job he is to start next week. It wasn't known before he left town and he asked 'kind of' nicely. So, I told him I would do it IF he would get me all that I needed to know so I could make one trip and only waste part of one day.
That was last week on Thursday. I called once, and texted once and no response. Today, he calls and wants to know if I've done 'it'. I said, No, I was waiting .... He proceeds to get nasty with me and I just remained quiet. I said, I am sorry if I was not clear but ... He calmed down, thanked me for being willing and said he would handle when he get's back in town tomorrow.
I've learned so much in this program as before I started, I would have either hung up when he got nasty with me or tried to speak my mind. I've now learned that I know my truth, I don't do things with ill intents and it will always be just fine....I have to let God, my HP, lead me.
I love sharing here and feel comfortable doing so. I am more guarded in 'mixed company'. I am getting better at it, but I still have some self-esteem issues there at times.
Thanks for the post and I understand what you shared!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for the reminder Kathleen - Can I humbly contribute to the humble appreciate club? I like humbleness too.
I really appreciate the wonderful way you pull yourself back into programme in your post - the weaving of memories and seeing you choosing positives in your life shines through. Thank you. ((((Hugs))))
