The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things at the home front have settled down again but yet I still wait for the drama to start again. I went to a AA meeting on Saturday and today is Tuesday and I remain calm. I had to go to a AA meeting as there was no Al-anon meeting available on Saturdays. On Sunday I received a call from a lady I had met in AA before and she was struggling with staying sober. I met her for coffee and we talked recovery for 4 hours. I was exhausted afterwards. I had a job interview on Monday morning but had to call to cancel. I was exhausted and slept for 12 hours straight and could feel my chest acting up again. I needed the sleep so bad due to the stress and still recovering from a major illness. I also had to see the doctor and my left lung is starting to act up again. My application for disability through work is being processed so I will have income to help me through. I need to get another job so bad but right now I have to just focus on getting well. I just have to have faith that when the time is right I will get the right job. The alcoholic BF has gone back to work (night shift), this Sunday night so the nights have been bliss. This morning he came home from work and had two drinks, I did not say anything. He is now gone to sleep for the day and will return to his night shift tonight. I am just trying to focus on myself but my mind is starting to wonder. I keep thinking am I doing everything right to alcoholic BF expectations of not bothering him when he gets home, (he needs down time from work), not sitting on the couch constantly, (he says when he gets home from work I am on the couch and when he leaves for work I am on the couch) not sleeping in bed when he gets home, ( says I am lazy and sleep in bed all the time), keeping the house clean, making sure the dog is cared for (when I get home your in bed and I have to take the dog outside), its unreal the expectations and this only add stress to me. I know I have to find a way to stay away from him and the house as much as possible that way he has no one to take his anger out on, when drunk. It seems he stores up his resentments when sober and out it comes when he is drunk. It's sick. I am trying to take things a day at a time and not project. I do plan to get to a AA meeting at noon today (again no al-anon meeting during the day), just to get out of the isolation. I have to be around sane people who will accept me and not call me down. I am trying to find ways to keep busy so I am not available to the alcoholic all the time. Any suggestions on how to keep busy would help. I feel just stuck.
Aloha Joker...you feel sick and actually I hear you working it best you can with what you have available to you. Good Job!! We are not about perfection only progression and it seems to me you are in progression. The alcoholic isn't doing his part...don't do it for him and Quit Taking It Personal (QTIP) when he chooses to try to make you believe you are responsible for his negative feelings and emotions...you are not. There are online meetings here at MIP twice daily. Check the face page and get the times. Keep coming back cause this works when you work it. (((((hugs)))))
Alanon face to face meetings, Yoga and meditation classes as well as attendance at the gym are all healthy ways to rebuild your health. The library and walking also are great constructive use of time. Good Luck
I found it helpful to recognise that I am only human and I do get tired sometimes - I'd been through the mill and its not really surprising that I needed some rest and relaxation! Books, meditation, yoga, being with calm sane people, taking time to stop and look at the world (think people watching in a nice cafe or sitting by a river for example), quilt making and tapestry, recognising that my husband was saying the same things that lots of other people here at MIP experience helped me to not take these things personally.
Waiting for things to go wrong is one of the things that I still do and am trying to stop doing. I am trying to restore my trust that life is ok, just for today. Funnily enough something did go wrong recently, a ceiling fell in. And I put one foot in front of another and coped with it and asked for help as well which led to being blessed by the right people coming into my life at that time as well. Despite it being a challenge, it was also a great way to recognise that I could trust my own ability more than I thought I could and that I didn't have to do everything on my own. I hope you feel lots better soon - taking care of your health is important.
