The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's HFT is about moving away from feeling victimized in our lives (and by the effects of alcoholism), and through program work and self care, moving toward a life that we are in charge of, with the guidance of our HP. This is a great reading for me because I have been thinking about the tendency to turn into 'Martyr Mary'; I begin dwelling on all the things I did the 'right way' and why did this, this and this happen to me etc etc. I know that a lot of that can be turned around with a difference in attitude and perception.
This past weekend I found out that one of my cousins has been hospitalized and is in detox right now. His sister was really distraught and was frantically describing lots of different scenarios involving his alcoholism to me. I quietly mentioned that Alanon has been an immense help to me and has changed my life. I know she had no idea what I was talking about--she might have had the vaguest idea what Alanon was about. We didn't have a chance to talk about that for long, but I was glad to at least let her know there was help available...for those of us who love the A. For me this was an example of moving away from distraught victim ('what can we possibly do? isn't he too far gone to ever change? ') to a life we are in charge of ('there is help for him if he chooses, and for me if I choose'). I have chosen help!
I am stronger each day knowing that my happiness-or unhappiness, is not dependent on any other person. Hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday!
Hi Mary, thanks for taking the time to share on today's reading in the H FT. It has been a long time since I too felt like "Martyr Mary", but recognized the role immediately when you spoke about it.
Being able to live with life with acceptance, free from unrealistic expectations and trusting HP is a true gift of this program.
I am always amazed at how different life can be with a program that suggests we keep the focus on ourselves. That concept was so foreign to me when I arrived, and I readily admit that I was an unhappy camper wondering constantly why things were as they were.
Yes, this disease is cunning, baffling, powerful, progressive and destructive to the entire family system. However, the program teaches me that I can enjoy my life and thrive so long as I am willing to work on me, my actions, reactions, behaviors, etc. I did believe I was a 'stuck in this place victim' when I arrived, and today I know that I can choose happiness if desired - no matter what is going on around me.
I am grateful for the program and the ever-present tools which allow me to live my life differently.
Make it a great day all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
