The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all. I am new here. My DH is a severe alcoholic. He drinks every waking moment that he is not working or sleeping. He drinks before he goes to work. We have an 11 year old son. My dh was a stay at home dad for 10 years. He did not have money to drink then, so he was so much better. He rarely drank, maybe twice a year. I supported us and wish he would quit his job now so that he would go back to having no money. My son and I have asked him if he would consider quitting his job (he has been working there since January and he got the job without discussing it with me). He gives me a little bit of money from his job and the rest go to whatever he choses to spend it on----beer and cigarettes. So, he had agreed to quit his job and go back to being a stay at home dad. He kept the house clean and the yard maintained and our son was well cared for and happy. I travel for a living so this worked out perfectly for us. However, now he is saying he doesn't want to quit. It is so sad because he will get so drunk he can barely walk. When he is drunk he may fall down or break things. He doesn't eat hardly at all. He looks like a frail old man and he is only 42.
So do you have any advice? Please, any little bit of advice would be a gift to me. I am at my wit's end and have never participated in Alanon. I know I should go to a f2f meeting, but I am ashamed. I really can't bring myself to do it yet. Maybe after I get some online support first, I will be able to. thanks in advance
A lot of people think they will feel ashamed going to al-anon meetings and then find the opposite- meetings are one place where shame just has no place! They can be a real sanctuary from the shame and worry that comes from living with an alcoholic. I think it sounds as though you are dealing with a very heavy burden and you deserve support. Al-anon can help you make good decisions for yourself and child and ways to be joyful and happy again even if your husband continues to drink. If you aren't sure yet about attending face to face meetings, there are online meetings here at MIP that can give you a feel for what to expect. Please do give al-anon a try; it's a wonderful, liberating program and you deserve it!!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Monday 6th of July 2015 03:45:24 PM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
hi
i was totally in your position 1 yr ago before i started alanon. At first, and lots of times since i questioned some of the ideas and views but for the most part it has saved my life and sanity.
my DH is also a very severe alcoholic and we have been throught the meds,rehabs, aa starts, jail time DUIs and drivers liscense loss and sadly domestic violence on me. we have been together 25 yrs. our finances are very bad,DH is very sick with this drinking. ive tried to leave but finances mainly get in the way.
i went through the shame and guilt. i suggest that if u cant face in person alanon, please read all of the past posts on this board, it will help you it has me, also the online meetings here
6pm PST and their is one in the mornings too every day
hugs to u
Wectmall - I too welcome you to MIP. Glad you found the courage to join us!
You've got some great advice above me so I'll let you digest that and we all welcome any questions you have.
We do our best to work our programs at our own pace to learn how to survive and thrive in spite of what the Alcoholic(s) are doing.
If you aren't ready to go to a F2F meeting, there are meetings scheduled here twice daily. The schedule is up to the top on the left. We've had a shortage of chair persons lately, but there are always great members there at meeting times - it's a great way to get your feet wet with other Al-Anon members.
Thank you for sharing - be gentle with you as you consider your Al-Anon journey. Hugs to you and your son!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you all of your kind replies. I just looked up the online meetings that are linked in the top left corner. It says there are meetings every monday through friday at 9am Est. I will try to link on tomorrow morning at 9am----I am on the east coast. I really am a hard worker and can definitely immerse myself in the online meetings until I feel confident enough to attend one f2f. I know that I have to help myself in order to help this situation.
The sad part is, if my DH would just go on a drinking binge once a month I could handle it, but now it's everyday. He drinks to the point of slurring, weaving and bobbing, cooking while he is plastered and I just get so nervous. I can barely function. He gets combative and angry. He likes to pick fights. He is just a monster. He has NO intention of quitting. He says he LOVES to drink and get drunk.
So here I am. I plan to become a fixture here. I don't know much about alanon, but I plan to learn.
thanks for all of your advice. I need every bit I can get!
Alanon is about YOU...We cannot tell you what you must do, but we can tell you there is Hope and solutions and tools you can use
One thing we need to put in place are boundaries, for you, just because your husband chooses to drink, doesn't mean that you don't have choices
to make your life more manageable, whether you decide to keep on living with an active alcoholic or not, its up to you.
Alanon is here to give you relief and serenity, it works if you work it.
Keep coming back and don't give up hope.
Hugs, Bettina
