The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Debb, I'm not sure if when you took your hiatus from MIP and F2F meetings, if you also took a break from using the tools, such as; gratitude and asset lists , daily prayer, and meditation, living one day at a time and connecting with others who are on a spiritual journey-- if so, that could account for feeling as you describe. I know many years ago I thought, that I had all the tools and HP and I did not need to attend meetings any longer. I was wrong. I learned that this is a "we program." And that sharing the journey is essential to maintaining my growth and spirituality.
Glad that your back, just keep showing up using your tools and you will be back to feeling the serenity, courage and wisdom of this program
Thank you Betty, just needed to hear from you, that what I was experiencing was not unusual because I tried to do it alone.
I did read from C2C everyday and rely on HP as well as using Al-Anon tools, but obviously not the same as day to day contact
with you and everyone here on MIP and weekly f2f. Won't go it alone again that is for sure! I am very glad that I am back!!
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I also go downhill when I take time out. I start out all positive and thinking I am just fine and end up in a heap.
I like Betty's reminder that it is a "we" program. That sums it up
I'm glad you are back too
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I too can attest to the 'mayhem' that happens when I step away from what is working for me. I will also become less at peace, sad, short, etc...
I don't know why it is that when we feel better/confident, we try to go it alone. Perhaps it's a human nature thing as the service I was at last night spoke of this as well. We are given the freedom of choice, but life is easier when we remind ourselves of our HP and rely on him daily for strength, guidance, and our next right thing.
I know for me when I am/go left of center, I have to go back to the basics. Betty summarizes well - all I would add is that I literally have to remind myself how powerless I am over people, places and things (Step 1), remind myself how quickly I can get crazy (Step 2) and find peace and grace that I am not alone (Step 3).
Taking those first three steps and going back to basics of prayer, meditation, daily readings, meetings, journaling, gratitude lists, etc. tends to "right-size" me again shortly. It most certainly is a 'we' program, and for that I am grateful. I have 3 program friends and when I truly crash/burn (hasn't happened in a while), I send out a 'white flag' text and we meet for coffee!
We set this up together so that if any of us ended up in a crisis situation, we'd have a code to alert others. I have used in 3 times in almost 6 years. Each other has used it as well a few times. We are all like minded with good programs and heavily rely on each other for ESH so it's a gift I have only because of this program!
So sorry Debb that you're in the 'wondering' stage - we are validating you and I am sending you (((Hugs))) and prayers!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have been attending alanon for 2 + years. I am definetly
No where near or will ever be cured. I am emotionally stronger
and more sure footed. My xah was really bringing me into his
sick thinking and acting Out disease he was a very unhappy man.
My recovery really took off after xah left me. I felt safe
Enough to be honest and start speaking my truth. I
Needed to feel safe to grow, change and explore.
Keep getting stronger in yourself, it is a ongoing Battle
for me. Keep reaching out for positive support. Stay
Away from negative and bad people those are big ones
For me. You get yourself all built up and a nasty person
Can Tear it to shreds very quickly.
I really do reach out a lot. My therapist told me that is
A sign of strength not weakness. Friends, coworkers and
Family that are supportive and caring and want you
To feel better plus good healthy alanon people.
It reminds me of the person who starts feeling better, so much better in fact, that they stop taking their medications. And then wonders what happened and why they are not on top of their game any more, and the world is feeling so heavy around them again. Or.. the alcoholic that gets relief from the desire to drink, life is going pretty good, so they stop doing what was working to help them stay sober, and beating a fist against the top of a bar wonder, how the heck they ended up drunk again!
For me, with this program, comes a spiritual energy that is ignited by my involvement with others on a daily basis that are on the same path. When I can say 2--3 words, and these people understand what I am saying completely without a doubt, and yet to say the same thing to someone not exposed to Al-Anon or the 12 Step recovery process, takes a few paragraphs and sometimes, well a lot of the time, they still just don't get it... this tells me that I am not in the mist of the spiritual energy that we create when in each others presence.
The best way to describe what I experience is... when I leave you, I turn back into ME... and that's just not a good place for me to be alone...when I am with you talking or listening, a version of what God created comes out to take on a spiritual purpose that benefits the world at large. And that includes Me and You.... and makes being a vessel for God, and working with His people a delight, and highlight of my day.
How could I not have a adverse feelings when I isolate myself and deny myself such a beautiful spiritual gift... your presence in my life?
John
__________________
" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
I understand what John is saying as there came a time in Al-Anon that I inventoried what happened, what I learned and how it turned out for me. I learned I had become a remade man...The fellowship remade me by giving me all the good stuff they had and helping me to turn over the spiritual disabilities and character defects I was trying to live my life with expecting peace of mind and serenity as a consequence. That would have never happened as I accepted that my life would always turn out sick as I attempted to direct it myself. If nothing changes....nothing changes and so I stayed and stuck myself within the program and MIP all of which is my current family. Relapse is a characteristic of the disease and it tells me that if I don't keep myself within the program I will revert back to how it was before the program. Can't envision myself taking that risk again. (((((hugs)))))
I can relate. I feel its losing the conscious contact with God of my understanding. The meetings, the readings, the forum all help me keep a grip of me, what am I doing thinking feeling? Dont worry, get back on it and you will be right in no times.x
