The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A fewd days ago I wrote back in after 6 years. AH was so out of his mind he had about 5 major things going at once that particular evening- trimming trees, food on the grill, food on the stove, etc.. wanting me to cut his hair, anyway u get the idea.. he even came in and asked about going to eat somewhere. He had forgotten about the food cooking on the stove and the grill. When I told him I wasn't going anywhere to eat because we had food cooking he just looked at me with the confused look on his face and said " well , yea, I know. I just thought u might want to..." I was worn out just listening and watching him. He is so draining when he gets like this. I wish I knew exactly what was causing him to be this way at times and other times just a slight buzz that is tolerable. Xanax prob with alcohol but when he is like he was that night he is hyper. Almost in a manic state. Moves fast and always has alot of things going. Another pattern I notice is yesterday he just drank Gatorade all day and water and came home and was fine. The day before that he went to see his grandma in nursing home and didnt drink a drop. Drank a few beers and went to bed. All was ok yesterday and last night. This is the pattern though- it's like he knows that if he is not going to be able to consume what he wants in the days ahead he over does it to make up for those days where he can't drink. Why oh why can he not just be "normal"???? One more thing and I'll stop rambling... I keep hearing to learn the steps and use them and live your own life. How do I live my own life when I'm living the steps? The steps are a result of HIM. I just want to not even think or deal with the alcohol and move on whether we stay together or not! When I'm practicing the steps, he is all I think about. I can't detach lovingly and work the steps because the steps I feel are what is keeping me connected to him
I guess you've kind of answered your own question here; if you're working the steps over and over for him or because of him, they aren't going to get worked properly because they are for you!
My al-anon program is mine; a wonderful gift for me.
I may have begun the journey thinking it was because of my A and his disease but it now has virtually nothing to do with him and even without him in my life I see al-anon as a lifelong journey to help me be the best and happiest me that I can be. I'm actually grateful to him for making me miserable enough to find al-anon!
Do you go to meetings by any chance?
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks for the update beacheemom. As you have noted, alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, disease that affects ourselves as well as other family members. By living with the disease, we too develop many negative coping mannerisms , that appeared to work when we are living in the insanity of the disease but are destructive to our own self-esteem and self-worth. Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members who have encountered this disease.
The slogans, the steps and the meetings are all designed to assist us in our recovery. The steps direct us in a constructive fashion and help us to let go of the negative happenings of the past and build a positive future. I must note that Al-Anon meetings as well as sponsors encourage us to keep the focus on ourselves, and to stop blaming, and criticizing the alcoholic or others
It's interesting that when I did attend meetings and started working the program, I discovered that many of my negative traits were present before I interacted with my alcoholic spouse. No doubt, I had the tendency to my destructive behavior and that is why I connected with him. Recovering from this disease takes effort and determination, but the tools and meetings are invaluable and you are worth it.
