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It's soo very hard for me to make a decision I'm bad to make a decision then. Turn around and change my mind wen it comes to boyfriends which all I get it alcoholic,drug addicts or one like I got now that knows and has all addicts but keeps them on the low side what he calls is not around me but he stays around me and says he don't do nothing I dunno ,he is good to me waits on me cooks for me etc... Cleans my house but he is also a ex fb from way way back several mths ago far back.he is tired of my arguing or bring up the past that he says he is sorry for and he will have to show me with his actions but something just doesn't seem right still,may be just me not wanting to let go of the past scary huh.i bring the past up to him and with ?????s we talked about it but I'm still bringing it up buy why that part of his life is dead but it's like I can't let go and let God ,can't let go of the past I'm thinking of just going back to being freinds with him and just keep it there that way he can't hurt me and with. Rules same goes for me cause I wasn't looking for nobody wen he came along or stepped back into his life.that I know he will do as far as. Being freinds.with rules attached he says from time to time if he can come over and visit my dog still if I were to run him off agin like I have 100s of times I said yes he could........thanks for listening hugs lu
And this man took me back after me calling the law on him for prowler in my back yard which he ran and pro caught him gazed him costs him 1000s to get out and now law is watching him harnessing him but that's the law here and I'm to blame for getting the heat on him his mom hates me so he don't tell nobody that we are talking and seeing each other cause. Put him through hell with law they keep locking him up for non sense stuff just to charge him I hate that I do but I'm suspicious to why he even came back here in the 1st place yes we got court but my charges didn't stick I was just mad he knows that but yet I still got to be at court cause city of my town summons me saying I witnessed to his running from law,ha I wAs inside my home....all this does have to stop ,end , go away, I was out of drama now I'm right back into it ? I hope not need lots of esh plz
All I can say is keep going to meetings and trying to find a way to keep your focus on your recovery. If you want the drama to end, you will have to end it. You'll have to let go. I hope you can find a way to be confident in your decisions. Whether he is around or not, getting to a place of being able to let go of anger and resentment is healthy for you. I'm using alanon and this board to help me work through decisions that are tough for me, as I have today. That is especially helping me not add to my resentment and anger, which is the next best thing! Sending hope!
Looking up, I do believe that you took the appropriate actions,when you were frightened and called the police. That the police are after him, and picking him up is not your responsibility,it is his behavior that causes this.
Your responsibility is to yourself and to keep yourself safe. Talking to this man about past incidences does not solve these issues. I understand he is kind and generous to you and is trying to make up for past hurts, but if your inner voice is warning you to be careful, I would be just that.
Please keep coming back here and attempt to get to Al-Anon meetings
I'm so grateful that you posted this. I actually just went through something similar as you did.
About 6 months ago, my ex broke up with me. He has a substance abuse problem and is also manic depressive (bi-polar). He was very manipulative and controlling (just my type lol). While we were together, I caught him posting ads on Craigslist to meet women. I called him out on it and at first he denied, denied. Then he came clean. He couldn't give me a reason why. I took him back, but from then on, I was always cautions. And even more so, he was on the fences about me, thinking that I was cheating. I felt he was projecting his own actions. I was about to go visit my family for the Christmas holidays and he broke up with me the night before I left because he thought that I was going to cheat on him while I was away. I begged for him to stay. We argued a few days before and he lifted his fist at me, but did not strike me. I didn't even flinch. Before him, I was in an emotional and physically abusive relationship. I stayed with this man for 3 years. He had broken up with me before and I always took him back, thinking that "he'll change" or "I can fix this/him". Since I was in this situation before, I knew that there was something wrong. Why do I keep getting involved with men that are like this? December 29th, 2014, I found my way back to Al-Anon.
It has been 6months since my ex left me. I had attended Al-Anon regularly, finding strength and rebuilding my self-esteem. And then my ex showed up at my door on a random Tuesday night. I was obviously in shock and did not know what to say. He had come to apologize. What I didn't realize then was that my ex and returned to apologize in order to win me back. But I knew I had to make a change. I have been down this road before, taking back an ex thinking things will change. The fact of the matter was that my ex was still doing drugs (he had lost quite a bit of weight as well), he had no intuitions of getting help, he still hated his job and his life. Me taking him back would momentarily make him happy, but I would ultimately be a prisoner of his problems. Knowing myself, I would let his problems consume me and I would try to solve his problems and make him happy so that I would be happy. Insane right? So with the love support of my Al-Anon groups, I made the decision to not take my ex back. It angered him and he said some really hurtful things. I still love him, but he needs to help himself. I am not his higher power. I can't change him, he has to do that himself. It also reminded me that I have to focus on me, my recovery, and look at my roll in these tumultuous relationships. How can I be better? Because I damn sure know that I want to be better.
My prayers are with you and hope that you will find that strength within you and from you higher power to make the best decision.
