The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for July 5 speaks about the powerful tool of detachment. It points out that it is an often misunderstood tool, but that when used with healthy motives it offers the freedom to own what is mind and to allow others to do the same.
This freedom allows us to keep our own identity and still love, care about and have feelings for others. It actually suggest that the degree of our humanity can be measured by our ability to know another person's pain and joy.
By practicing the Al-Anon principles in all our affairs we will discover that when anybody in the fellowship shares about having a difficult time we can go right back to the day we felt that way with compassion and empathy. Even though we no longer live with an emotional pain,we can identify without needing to remove the pain and to me that's a success story and that's detachment in action.
The reading summarizes the fact that we don't have to like everything that people say or do ,we still don't have to change them. We can continue to learn how to care without taking everything personally. We can learn to take care of our own business while allowing others to tend to theirs and still have compassion. The quote is from George Herbert; "love your neighbor, but do not pull down your hedge"
I have found detachment takes practice and I do believe in the beginning I detached with an ax and not with love. That means I completely shut off from other people, kept the focus on myself, was indifferent to others. My sponsor suggested that indifference is the most painful thing I can do to another.I then learned and accepted that minding my own business, and examining my motives, helped me to detach with love. Thank you Al-Anon
As always Betty thank you for the daily and for the lovely share.
I found myself a bit 'crazy' this week after the tragedy I posted about. It became clear to me that because of that incident, I was trying to re-attach to my boys - not completely, but with fear. I had to realize that the future was an unknown and my HP has us all and is leading us accordingly.
So, I got to practice detaching some more, and the 'with love' is easier than in the beginning. I am certain it is because of the program tools I've been using/learning/practicing. I find myself pulled towards some old behaviors/reactions in times of tragedy, mostly I think out of fear. This tells me that I am trying to assert my will again instead of trusting HP's will.
Thank goodness this program is about practice and not perfection. I hold on to the QTIP analogy each day as I can be so super sensitive, esp. when I am sad/distracted.
Have a marvelous day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I did the indifference very well. It even bothered me how indifferent I was. That was before i was in Alanon and didn't know about detachment. It was pretty impossible ,with how angry I was, to even consider detachment with love, but I could manage respect....... just barely. Respect got easier as I worked on it and continued with the gratitude lists.
