The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
IT IS EXACTLY 1 YR ON JULY 4TH THAT MY AH ABUSED ME PHYSICALLY. WE CHOSE TO GET AWAY TO THE CASINO[WHAT A STUPID CHOICE]. AH DIDNT HAVE HIS CAR OR LISCENSE SO AN AQUAINTANCE DROVE US THERE. JULY 4TH AH SPENT GETTING TOALLY WASTED!!! CASINOS DONT CARE,JUST GIVE OUT THE BOOZE AS LONG AS U GAMBLE. AROUND 8PM, AH STARTED VERBALLY ABUSING ME LOUDLY. I JUST DECIDED TO GO UP TO THE ROOM. I HAD ABOUT 2 MTHS OF IN PERSON ALANON UNDER MY BELT,SO I DECIDED TO REMAIN QUIET ON MY HOTEL BED AND WATCH THE FIREWORKS I COULD SEE FROM THE WINDOW. ABOUT 11PM OR SO I HEAR AH COMING INRO THE ROOM. I CAN SEE HE IS SOOOO DRUNK. I DONT KNOW HOW HE WAS STANDING.
HE STARTED TO YELL AGAIN,CALLING ME NAMES SO I THOUGHT ID PUT ON MY SHOES AND GO DOWN TO THE HOTEL LOBBY FOR COFFEE AND TV AND TO HOPEFULLY LET HIM PASS OUT BUT!!! HE STARTED PULLING THE SHOES OFF MY FEET, THROWING ME AROUND THE ROOM. HE HAD SUPERMAN STRENGTH AND NORMALLY DOESNT. HE THREW ME ON THE BED,TRIED TO SIT ON ME AND CHOKE ME, WHEN I TRIED TO GET UP, HE SMACKED ME IN THE HEAD. MEANWHILE I WAS SCREAMING FOR HELP AND FIGHTING DESPERATELY TO GET OUT THE DOOR BUT
HE HAD PUT THE INSIDE SECURITY LOCK ON AND JUST COULDNT GET NEAR ENOUGH OR TIME ENOUGH TO UNLATCH IT. I SCREAMED AND SCREAMED AND FINALLY SECURITY CAME BUT HE NEEDED ME TO UNLATCH THE DOOR WHICH I FINALLY DID AND HE PULLED ME IN THE HALL TO SAFETY. AH WAS PROTESTING AND SAYING'EVERYTHING IS OK HERE' I FELT LIKE I WAS IN A BAD TV MOVIE AS I WAS TAKEN DOWN TO THE LOBBY WHILE SHERIFFS TOOK MY AH OFF TO JAIL.
AFTER THE SHERIFF ETC INTERVIEWED ME, I ARRANGED FOR MY FRIEND TO PICK UP ME AND TAKE ME HOME,EARLY THE NEXT DAY. I THEN FILED A RESTRAINING ORDER.
I WAS OFFERED COUNSELING FOR 50.00 A POP OR DOMESTIC SHELTERING BUT I PASSES ON IT.
ONE THING I LEARNED FROM THE EVENT WAS THAT I SHOULD HAVE IMPOSED THE 1YR RESTRAINING ORDER BECAUSE I HAD ENOUGH MONEY AT THAT TIME TO START A NEW LIFE BUT NOW A YEAR LATER IM STILL WITH HIM AND NEAR BROKE AND CA RENTALS HAVE GONE UP SO MUCH ETC.
I WILL ALWAYS HATE THE 4TH OF JULY!!
BY THE WAY, THE ONE THING FROM ALANON I USED THAT WORKED WAS TO REMAIN CALM SO POLICE, COURT PEOPLE ETC WOULD TAKE ME SERIOUSLY.
I am so sorry you went through this. I am glad you came here to write about it. It sounds like you were very strong to use your tools to stay calm at such a bad time. Stay safe!
I know exactly how you feel (((hugs))). I had similar situations with the 4th of July. My anniversary with my ex AH was July 6th. He would start drinking starting the 4th of July and go straight through. Many occasions he physically abused me on the 4th of July. The last year I was with him, he beat me so severely my eye was swollen shut and my lip was busted and I had bruised all over my body. I took pictures of myself something I had never done before. I took those pictures to give myself strength. Every time I felt sorry for exAH or that I loved him and I couldn't leave I would look at those pictures to remind myself that I did not want to end up like that again. I isolated myself for a week then got enough strength to go to a meeting and finally I was ready to share about my physical abuse. A few weeks later I took all my personal items to a storage unit. I only kept a few clothes and personal health care items at home. At that point my exAh was always out drinking and I basically just stopped talking to him altogether. I saved up money and when the time was right I found an apartment I could afford and one day when he was out drinking I moved. He was gone all weekend either he was drinking or out with his mistress. He didn't notice I was gone until Monday morning. It was a struggle for me to get my self esteem back but the program and Al-anon friends helped me get through the hardest time of my life. My HP never left my side and when I look back I sometimes think why didn't I leave the first time he hit me the 1st year we were married. But I had to go through the journey I have been through. It has been a long and difficult journey but the lessons I have learned have helped me to become wiser and healthier. My sponsor used to tell me "this too shall pass" and it would. I am forever grateful for Al-anon friends and the program. Hope you have a better nigh and better day tomorrow. Make a meeting if you can (((hugs)))
-- Edited by texasgal on Sunday 5th of July 2015 12:26:04 AM
Alyce your HP was with you...you did everything right and nothing perfect and what happened was supposed to happen when someone heard your calls and stepped in. The TROs are gold to a woman or person that is being physically abused and assaulted by anyone. I am a former alternatives to violence mens case manager and I would tell them and prove it that if they chose to assault anyone especially their spouses I would do the TRO file for them. Violence under the influence is extremely dangerous. Glad you are safe...I don't like the 4th either for other reasons. (((((hugs)))))
