The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Update. I had a great sleep at last after the insane couple of days with the alcoholic. I feel much better now and the alcoholic bf is sober. I expect the insanity to start in a week time again. He works night shift so I know he will be sober till this coming Saterday morning when he will start drinking again and go all day and night and then sleep and go back to work Sunday night all like nothing is wrong. I have a job interview Monday morning. I do hope I get the job so I can make plans on an escape from the insanity. If I get the job, I will start looking for a place of my own for me and my disabled daughter. I can not tolerate his drunken behavior. I have tried to tell him to leave and drink elsewhere but he continues to stay in the house and bring misery to us. I do not like having to constantly being on edge. I find I have to be careful what I say to him as when he drinks he throws it back in my face. What I do not like is the not talking to each other when he is sober. We just sit on the couch and do not say anything to each other. I can not tolerate the silent treatment. I usually just have to get up and leave the room as I can not stand being shut out. I just feel numb toward him and still very angry. I want out so bad. I want a real relationship not the silent treatment. I feel he just gathers ammunition from me to use against me when he is drunk. Its awful. I feel I have to walk on egg shells and watch my words daily just to survive being around him. I hate him. I know I have to get out to save my sanity. I just keep thinking, god is in control, he will help me out of this nightmare. I just have to keep praying and let things unfold as it should. I am grateful, I am aware this relationship is not worth working on anymore as there is nothing to work on. He is in such denial but its his problem. I have to focus one me. I keep reminding myself of this moment by moment. Its about me not him. Yesterday I tried to talk to him and I told him I am tired of the roller coaster of his sober moments and then drunkenness. I said things need to change. He said you had a problem before you met me and walked away. I did not respond. I kept saying he is sick, sick. I did say to him I saw a job opportunity that is perfect for me 9 hours away and he did not respond. What is making me stay. I know he does not care for me. I feel I am the one that is doing all the work to maintain this relationship. He slept in the spare room last night and that was ok with me. He often sleeps in the spare room and that works for me. I know this relationship is dead and I need to get out. I need god to help me to get out before the winter. I want to be out so I can move all my belongings before its cold outside. That is my plan at this time. Thanks for your feedback.
Someone on here told another poster to read their post as if it were a stranger posting and view it objectively. As a stranger reading it, I think you are living a very stressful, unrewarding life with a person who does not care for you. He might have once but now the disease has taken full control. You and your daughter should not have to live like this.
Also reading it, one can see that you are being guided away from this chaos to a better life. Listen to that voice inside you because it just might save your sanity and maybe, down the road, your life. Fingers crossed that you get this job and can move on to a better life.
I too offer prayers for a successful interview! Perhaps that will give you what you want to do the next right thing!!
(((Hugs too))) - you are in a stressful situation and we're just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"I find I have to be careful what I say to him as when he drinks he throws it back in my face."
Your entire post had brought up some painful memories of my own life. Please be safe #1 with your child and I hope things will work out for you. Only you know what is best for you and what you can do for you and your child. I hope the interview goes well! Peace be with you..
You and your job interview are on my mind for the day!
Please let us know how it goes and know that we here @ MIP are backing you as is HP...
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
