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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Insanity does not stop
Post Info TOPIC: Insanity does not stop
joker


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Insanity does not stop
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Just wanted to provide an update of running away from my home due to the alcoholic. I stayed with my daughter in a hotel for two nights as I could not tolerate the insanity another moment and I did call the police. The police came to the house and my daughter and I had to leave the house as we were afraid of the alcoholic. He was raging and threatened to punch me through the kitchen window. He was also raging at my daughter. It all started at 11:oo pm when he went to the bar. He came home and started arguing with my daughter and I for no reason. He started calling her Buddha how is the Buddha doing and this is a christian home and there is no Buddha religion in this house. He kept at her about her religious belief and she finally got very angry and threw pop on his face and kicked him in the leg. I tried to stop her but she was defending herself from his verbal attacks. (my daughter has serious mental health issues and can not work). He said to her to get the f out of my house to her ( i own half of house), and I was able to finally get her to leave room. Then he started verbally attacking me and said I wish I could just punch you through the window and had made a fist. He said my daughter and I need to leave the house now. I go angry and walked away from him and went downstairs to be with my daughter and get away from this mad man. My daughter was so scared and could not settle down. I was livid and after talking about it we called the police and they showed up finally. We told the police what had happened and were scared of him. The police said we need to leave..I was angry, why should we have to leave the house and he gets to stay. I am grateful I had emergency funds and at 3 am my daughter and I were snuggled and safe in a hotel room. The next day, I went to the lake where my older sister was camping and enjoyed my day. However the night brought the police out again. Someone had stolen two quads from the camp site were we were at and where my sister was drinking. I was woken up at 4 am and had to be designated driver as the police had found the one quad. I was upset but was able to go back to sleep in my sisters tailor where there was no drinking and it was quite. I woke up at 8 am and had a nice cup of coffee and sat by the lake. It was bliss and gorgeous. I was so grateful to be with nature and enjoy the peace. Drove back to the city and checked out of hotel room. Had contact with BF and he was sober and I told him about the night before and how we were scared of him. He assured me he was sober and to come home. My daughter and I came home and he was indeed sober but filled with remorse and intense shame. I was so angry I raged at him about his drunk behaviors and its effects on us and how were not going to tolerate this. He was near tears and so pitiful. I did not feel sorry what so ever for him and he just sat there and did not say anything. Meanwhile, I thought where is your big mouth now, the other night you were all powerful and now you sit on couch in a sick pathetic state. By 7 pm he could not take it anymore, he said I need a drink to calm me down. He went to liquor store and I did not stop him. As the drinks hit him within 2 hours he again started in about my daughter and why he was angry at her and he is sick of her living with us and that she is not mentally sick, she is making this up, how he had to work at a job and she does not (daughter is on medical disability), and her being lazy and doing nothing, on and on he went. He again said she needs to leave. I said she is staying as I am looking after her and if he does not like the situation he needs to leave. The argument escalated again. I was so angry. By 10 pm, he was on his way and had changed his tune and decided to get a hotel room for the night with me and we can have a nice night together. What a nightmare it turned into. I did not sleep all night. He talked and talked and talked as I tried to sleep. I did not sleep. I argued with him all night. I was so tired. I did not leave the room, which I should have. At 8 am he woke me up and I was livid angry and just ripped into him. He acted like the innocent victim and could not understand what was making me so mad. I flipped again. By 9 am we were home and I was so so tired. I had to reschedule a doctor appointment I had as I need sleep. I went to sleep for a few hours. As I write this he finally went to sleep. I hate his guts with a passion. I do not want him to touch me and even his voice makes me disgusted. All I see when I see him is a insane mentally ill person and I did tell him he is mentally sick and needs to be in an institution. I am so angry at myself for putting up with his drunkenness. I have to get a backbone and move out. I can not live like this anymore as he will drink again and continue this madness that is driving me over the edge. He does not care about anyone but himself and his talking that makes no sense at all. All he does is talk and talk and talk even to himself and no one can say a word as he is always right and he needs to hear himself talk. When he is sober, he does not say anything. I feel I have been on a roller coaster ride from hell and I hate his guts. I can not even look at him without getting angry. I need to get strong and leave this situation. I have to. I must be sick myself to put with this. What am I getting out of this...I am so done and I have to get off my ass and start looking for a place to live. Yesterday I did tell him when he was sober, my daughter and I are moving out, and he begged us not to leave. But I have to I can not do this anymore. Today, I am grateful its the weekend, I can get caught up with my sleep and pray to god, he does not pick up a drink. I will loose my mind. I am so angry I feel no joy at all. I am mad, mad, mad. I hate with a passion alcohol and what is does to people. Thanks for letting me rant and get this anger out!        



-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 3rd of July 2015 05:35:50 PM

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Jerry F


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Joker...save your post so that you can read it when your rested as if someone else was reading it.  The reason...in a clearer moment when the heat has been turned down some you can see the insanity more clear and arrive at resolve that is more justified.   That was suggested to me also when I first got into program and they were right.  I saw how insane the situation was that I had forced my self to live in and came to the resolve to change me/it.  I saw what I had been doing to myself and all of the fierce negative reactions which I owned as they were more a consequence of what I was and was not doing and it gave me the power to change the thing I could...me.  I found that most of my hate and anger was directed at myself because I was allowing the situation to happen to me.  That is what got me into the face to face meeting rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups because it made me insane.  I so understand your feelings and I know that they are temporary because you can change them. 

I hope you are attending face to face meetings in your area and if you are not look in the white pages of the local telephone book or check www.afg.org and click on the meetings.   Keep coming back to MIP.  There is safety here and love and support.   You are not alone.   (((((hugs))))) smile



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Iamhere


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Joker -

I am sorry for the craziness that exists for you. The only suggestion I have is what the program offers us - literature, steps, slogans, fellowship - which helped me to see what I contributed to the situation/chaos.

I remember that I kept trying to apply rational thoughts and discussion in an irrational setting. The disease is so cunning, baffling, powerful and progressive that it sucks us all in unless we arrest our involvement and decline the invitation. I remember the first time I heard the program definition of insanity, "Doing the same thing(s), expecting different results." It struck a cord with me that the only way there would be change is if I changed.

For me that meant how I acted, how I reacted, how I thought, how I processed, etc. I could not change too many things in my current state of being as I was beat down by the disease and insanity that surrounds it.

Meetings and program fellowship + a gr8 sponsor saved me in the beginning. The steps helped me see my part and helped me make changes to me. It's not an easy process but well worth it.

Please keep coming back and we are all here for you!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
hotrod


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Joker Please remember that all the anger, resentment and negativity is hurting you. I found that I reacted to the insanity with my own insanity and was told I appeared more insane than the alcoholic.
In fact there is a reading in the C2C that indicates the same idea -- when the police were called to an apartment where there was a dispute they took the alanon person away as they were the most vocal and angry .

Detaching not engaging is the key to our own sanity Prayers on the way

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Tampa


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Joker - Again your posts read similar to past posts I've made. Insanity it is and nothing will stop or change until you start to work on you. You cannot make sense of any of it as you never will be able to. That's the whole part of it being 'insane'. You just can't make sense of it all. My qualifier too will talk to himself and to the television and make racist comments and slurs at the television trying to argue with it because I won't listen to him babble. Hotrod is SO correct when saying "Detaching not engaging is key to our own sanity" .... This is vital! Please keep coming back and please work on yourself and take the focus OFF of the alcoholic. Another thing Hotrod mentions "I found that I reacted to the insanity with my own insanity and was told I appeared more insane than the alcoholic." ... this is also very true!! It is very weird and almost crazy to think about but it is true. We seem like the more out of control people when we react to their insanity. I've learned this the hard way. Peace be with you.

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wectmall


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HI joker,

I am new here. I feel terrible for you. I understand what you are going through, because I am going through the same thing (almost). My DH is a severe alcoholic. He didn't work for 10 years and stayed at home with our son while I traveled for work and supported the 3 of us. Things were better then because he never had money to drink, so he stayed sober 95 % of the time. I could deal with that. Now he works and drinks all of the time. He drinks even before he goes to work. I pray that he will get a DUI so that he can no longer go to work. But, somehow, that doesn't happen. He just keeps drinking all of the time. When he drinks he gets like your BF. He gets argumentative and crazy. I stay in my room to avoid him, but when he gets bored, he comes in the room and tries to argue with me. He accuses me of taking his beer and hiding it. Which I never do. He gets so drunk that he leaves beers all over the house and cannot remember where he left them. He also drinks them and can't remember that he did that either.

A while back he got very drunk ( as usual) and he started to threaten to hit me. I called the police. It's my house, I own it and he is not on the deed. He is my domestic partner, not my actual husband and we live in a state where what I own is not his just because we live together. Anyhow, when the police came they asked ME to leave MY house bc I told them I felt unsafe. They did not take him bc he had not hit me and they did not hear him threaten me. I told them it was my house, but they said since he lived there he had every right to be there. It was sickening. I learned a good lesson that day----don't call the cops.

I really need help as well. I am going to try to immerse myself if alanon. It is new to me. I am new to the whole program. But I need to do something! I am learning to just detach, but I can't stand living with someone who drinks every minute they are in the house. It is sick

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