The material presented
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level.
So, my 16 year old son gets text messages this AM from a girl named Ashley. Apparently, his dad (XAH) was at Ashley's last night and left his phone there. So she messaged my son and figured out that my son was a family contact and they were discussing how to get the phone back to my X. My son was frustrated and told her, "I would prefer it if you could leave it on his doorstep, I can't meet anywhere with my mom!" UGH....
My son also said, "Dad's almost 50 mom, I'm not sure that Ashley is even in her 30s!"
So, my issue is not that XAH is dating or sleeping around or whatever. My issue is that my son had to be involved in some way. Just another way that the gift of alcoholism keeps on giving. So, I sent an email to my X to tell him what happened and that Ashley will hopefully be bringing him back his phone.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
I agree - it sounds like you have a boy you can be proud of!!!
As far as the rest of it - *sigh* - this disease and those that are affected are seriously 'left of center'....
Hang in there and be proud of your son! He sounds like he can take care of himself in spite of what the A does!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks everyone. Yes, he handled it well. My son likes the fact that I am dating a normal guy and that I am keeping him out of the relationship and that the man I'm with is a respected businessman and that we keep our relationship off of FB (and all social media) to respect the newness of our dating and because of our kids and families, etc. He sees the way I'm handling 'moving on' and he sees the way his dad is handling things. VASTLY different!!!
Anyway, tomorrow is another day and my son will be spending the weekend with his dad again. He seems to be OK with it and accepts that he has to spend time with dad, etc. I don't force visitation. I offer it to the X and then always tell my son that he can ask to do things differently. It's hard to co-parent teens because of their own crazy schedules. My son will be 18 in 18 months and I can only hope that we all transition through this time with kindness and mercy and love.....well, that at least I can do it this way, LOL. Hugs to you all!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
I kind of see it that yes my kids have to deal with crappy situations from time to time at least they have coping skills many kids either get as adults or spend lots of time in therapy trying to overcome childhood trauma. He did really well. My daughter will program talk her dad .. Not my circus not my monkeys is a big one for her. Hugs .. Just saying to at some point I the As just stop showing up at parents. At least your X is taking some kind of responsibility although big parenting fail in the phone situation.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
So true: not my circus, not my monkeys. It's just sucky when one of the monkeys texts MY KID! I wonder how much longer XAH will be able to keep up appearances? He owes me so much money at this point and I'm already looking to get with a lawyer. UGH....just one less thing I don't need on my plate right? So tired of his games right now, but that's another story.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Sadly those of us who have A's and kids find that the kids have to learn to regard the A's with distance and eye-rolling sometimes. I wonder why the young lady in question texted your son instead of making contact with your A in some other way. The circus and the monkeys go on - glad you are no longer in the center ring.
You aren't having that auto deduct?? Most states choose to do that vs dealing with the issue of late payments. Don't let your atty talk you out of it. Mine balked until I literally said .. Look unless you are going to pay me monthly and you want to be paid for services .. Auto deduct. I was fine until he changed jobs. It eliminated him paying what he wanted when he wanted. Just an option to consider. Big hugs. That woman was beyond out of line and that just goes to show she's not ok. My Xs current wife doesn't text the kids directly. Big big no no. She doesn't have that kind of relationship with them.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
