The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i'm of an age where I have gotten used to sleeping with a small fan clipped on my headboard blowing on my head. I get terrible night sweats and hot flashes and without my little fan I wake up several times a night. So, since my ah stopped drinking he has had trouble sleeping. When I have trouble sleeping because of him, which happens way more frequently by the way, I just get up and try to sleep in the living room and don't complain, but I was getting yelled at at 6:00am this morning because my fan was keeping him awake and then, for something I said to him 2 days ago that he didn't like! I left the room. I am so tired of being verbally attacked that after 22 years with this man I just want him to move out. I don't know if I am strong enough to deal with his continuous abuse. He is the most difficult person to be with that I have ever known and I don't even know anymore why I still let him stay. I have carried most of the financial burdens of life for most of our relationship even since becoming disabled and loosing my job because of it but my savings are just about to run out and he shows no signs of doing anything at all to better our situation. He is a talented person and very smart but he can't seem to get a decent job that pays him what he's worth and seems to have absolutely no intention or even desire to step up and do what he's capable of. If he was in any kind of recovery program I think I would feel differently. He insists that he doesn't need AA to stop drinking but he does have a couple of beers here and there and he thinks he should be able to. I guess I just have to take what I can get but so far even though he probably thinks what he's doing is huge it's not enough for me. I thought if he wasn't drinking all the time he might contribute more financially but he's giving me even less than usual it seems. I am so frustrated that I just don't even know what to do anymore.
-- Edited by JukuVee on Wednesday 24th of June 2015 09:57:59 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 24th of June 2015 07:17:17 PM
It's called the dry drunk syndrome. Please get yourself into the Alanon program and face to face meetings! He is the only person that can change himself. When mine got sober after I separated from him I told him sobriety and the program were the package deal because I would not live with a dry drunk. 2.5 years sobriety and less program and the ugliness continues and we are still separated. The only path I know of that offers any serenity with this disease is that everyone in the family work their own program. Hugs
(((Jukevee))) - huge hugs to you and prayers for your recovery...
I agree with Koko - take care of you and embrace any/all the program has to offer.
This dreaded disease is super frustrating, but with the Al-Anon tools, you can find peace and joy.
So sorry for your frustration.....I've been there and done that. Because we have such different sleep patterns and because of medical reasons, we now sleep separately. It's been a gift for me...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((Jukevee))) - huge hugs to you and prayers for your recovery...
I agree with Koko - take care of you and embrace any/all the program has to offer.
This dreaded disease is super frustrating, but with the Al-Anon tools, you can find peace and joy.
So sorry for your frustration.....I've been there and done that. Because we have such different sleep patterns and because of medical reasons, we now sleep separately. It's been a gift for me...
Thanks for this. You have given me an idea that I sort of already had. I'm thinking about going on Craigslist and finding him a futon!
and kook thank you too. Lol. I'm leaving this in my edit. I swear I wrote Koko and it self corrected to kook, which, is that a word? Lol. Anyway, I managed to find a meeting today nearby at noon. it will be my first face to face.
-- Edited by JukuVee on Wednesday 24th of June 2015 11:59:23 AM
my AH is sober since January 5th at 4 am he came to bed. I thought this would stop when he got sober... no now he just sleeps on the couch. But when he wakes up and comes to bed if it wakes me and I toss and turn (like this morning) he yells at me.
I have gotten to the point where I used to say "Please excuse my husband he's a drunken a**h@le" now i Just say "please excuse my husband he's an a**h@le"
dry drunk is horrible... they don't drink but they still have not learned new better behaviors.
Al-anon has really helped me a lot with coping skills with him.
__________________
-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
Sorry Jukuvee and you other who are going thru this with your alcoholics...it is not acceptable and HP expects you to do whatever is necessary to stop from being abused and assaulted. HP would never treat you this way...no one else is allowed to either. In support. ((((hugs))))
Thanks for sharing, JukuVee. I'm sorry to hear about all the
abuse you've had to deal with. Nobody deserves to be
treated like that. I hope you can find serenity.
Jukevee - you are quite welcome! We started with a futon and then I actually got a lovely queen size bed that I put into the spare room for him. He's happy and so am I.
It has actually given us quite a bit of peace in our home. Neither of us now can blame the other for our lack of sleep (which did happen on both sides before)!
(((hugs))) - keep working on you!! You are worth it!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
