The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's HfT addresses an important concept found in Tradition 5: "Each Al-Anon Group has but one purpose: to help families of Alcoholics. We do this by practicing the 12 Steps ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives,..."
The contributor acknowledges the challenge this concept may present to us at first glance. Some of us struggle with the desire to understand the A because we hold so much pain and resentment. There might also be confusion on our part as we try not to interfere with the A and allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. Is that a contradiction with Tradition 12?
We can follow this tradition by detaching with love: by respecting the A's right to make their own decisions without our interference, and working to come to terms with our perspective of the disease vs the A behavior. Ultimately, we must decide for ourselves what areas these will be for us, guarding fiercely as we do our own recovery and serenity.
Thought for the Day:
Today I give whatever understanding and encouragement I can to the As in my life. It is based on what I can provide, not what I they want.
"I can have compassion for loved ones who suffer from the disease of alcoholism, or its effects, without losing my sense of self." - Courage to Change p. 194
AlAnon challenges me to resist my old tendencies of anger, resentment, and trying to control what I should not or can not. Instead, I can choose to guard my serenity and well being by letting go of bitterness while limiting my exposure to others' unhealthy behavior.
I found that initially I did not want to let go of my anger and resentment; I felt that I had earned it. I felt that to let go, just let it slip away, would somehow minimize the pain and misery I suffered. If I was being brutally honest, I wanted others to know what I had been through, to see what a strong person I was, to see me as a saint.
AlAnon guided me to the realization that I was harming myself with this perspective, as well as others around me, including the A. With consistent work and a desire to get rid of the ugliness I held inside, I was able to let it slip away. There certainly were, and are times these feelings revisit me, but with the help of Program tools I can regain serenity.
AlAnon introduced me to the concept that I did not have to hold and nurture anger over another's behavior, no matter how unpleasant. I can protect myself by setting and maintaining limits on what I will accept, finding acceptance in the situation, and seeking ways to express love and encouragement where I am able.
Working on this topic has made an incredible difference in my life. I am so grateful, thank you AlAnon...
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks for the daily! I do remember when I first arrived, I almost felt possessed by the anger and resentments I had towards my A(s). I vividly remember wondering if I could truly get away from 'it' and find peace and serenity.
Those who came before me were so patient and gracious and I will be forever grateful. I agree that the program gave me everything I need to be a better person, a different person and hopefully a more empathetic person towards my A(s). I still have good and bad moments but I am usually able to keep my mouth shut and pray away the words that are on my tongue...
Have a great day and love what you had to say. Keep working it - it looks great on you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
That was one of three great readings at breakfast this morning. The C2C and ODAAT were the other 2. Thanks for the rerun and different perspectives. ((((hugs))))
Thank you Paul for that great share When I could finally see that my anger and resentments were hurting me, then I had a real light bulb moment and accepted on a deeper level many other alanon concepts . These destructive weapons held me in prison.
I also had to redefine what "Encouraging and understanding "truly meant to me and then apply it to everyone including the alcoholic. Love the traditions -- This one really does present the program in a simple fashion.
