The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Winter came early here and I've just concluded a lovely lovely six weeks with my mother. We were grateful to have our time together, us and her grandchildren. It was different this time. Mum is turning 60, she's been a smoker for far too many years and had a hard life thanks to the family disease which bonds us all. To have familial trajectories accross time is a deep gift, though also a painful one. I sometimes feel like I know nothing better than the ins and outs of addiction. It is what it is.
something that has been knocking on the window of my awareness over the last year, is friendships. Isolation and breaking it are very relevant to this disease. I have always had this tendency to fall off the face of the earth when I felt like it. Now, im inching my way back on to it. I used to interpret "your friends are where you find them" as a Macdonalds concept. Sad, but true. Now though, I realise that people are not like cheeseburgers, to fill a void before moving on, grateful for the past, but unbonded in the present. Friendships require work.
I think I might be ready to appreciate that this time around. Lets see what HP has in store.
Great share and powerful awareness A41. As I worked this program I too discovered what you so aptly described, my ability to just drop out of involvement with people without any explanation.
There is a reading in the ODAT that opened my eyes--It stated that the most painful thing we can do to someone is to be "Indifferent.: That made me sit up and notice- I believe that I was indifferent in most of my friendships and was not even aware.
Thanks to program tools, being in the moment, learning to place principles above personalities I am learning to be a true friend
Good luck on your quest-- I know you will be successful .
a4l - So cool that you were able to have a long stay with your mother and the grandchildren! I have a reasonably large family and understand about the family disease and the ever-present reminders of what it has done. I love them all and even consider many as friends, but it's slightly different depending upon the person and their path.
I have always been able to attract 'friends'. Before program, I tended to attract needy people - for me, those who take, take, take and give a little. Those who live with gloom daily and have drama in their lives. When I think about 'friends' Facebook comes to mind - which I am not fond of. But, you are rewarded by the quantity of friends you have there --- and that's kind of how I used to think about the friend concept.
Well.....as I've grown up in the program, I am far less concerned with quantity and more interested in quality. I have some marvelous program friends, I have some marvelous softball friends, and I have other friends. I try to align with people I truly enjoy and where it is easy to be 'me'. When I can't be 'me', it seems the relationships are superficial and not long-lasting.
I trust HP today to direct me in all my affairs, and this is one of them. As I know my picker used to be broken, I trust my gut when making new friends! Put yourself out there and see what happens - I had to do so as the isolation and hiding I had done while the disease festered was a slow and quiet path to no where and negative thinking for me.
Make it a great day and you can count me (and us here) as friends! I'd love to have a burger with you if we only could!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
