It's been quite some time since I have been on. I thought I was doing so well in my recovery, so we'll I don't need to go to meetings or practice daily meditations, denial at its finest I guess..... Briefly, my father is a functioning alcoholic, my brother is what I consider a typical alcoholic; no job, drinking to unconsciousness, who has been fully supported by my parents for his entire life and can do no wrong in their eyes, and my mom the ultimate enabler. While I was on the inside of this craziness for a long time, about two years ago I clawed my way out. I have had very limited contact with the three of them and my kids no longer see them due to verbal and mental abuse from my father. He has called me a devil, threatened to have me fired, disowned me, degraded both myself and my husband, threatened to take me to court to see my kids and told me countless times I would pay for basically walking away from the madness. This from a man who mentally and verbally abused me my entire life, was unfaithful to my mother on numerous occasions and is the primary supplier of alcohol to my brother. He is the ultimate narcissist. Despite "falling off the al-anon recovery wagon" I have continued seeing a therapist which has helped me immensely. However, I will fast forward to Father's Day when I bumped into my brother at the store. I haven't seen him or talked to him since February 2014, however I do keep in contact with his 11-year old daughter. She told me that he was very ill and was in the hospital for several weeks in April due to kidney problems. Needless to say, I was completely shocked by his appearance..... He was very frail and had what looked like pock marks or deep wrinkles all over his face. He was very noticeably yellow, and gaunt but had a noticeable pot belly. He also had what looked like a rectangular box under his shirt attached to the middle of his chest, was wearing very thick prescription glasses and had severely chipped teeth and his nose looked skeletal. My husband thought he looked like a real life zombie. It was very awkward running into him but I did ask him how he was doing and he said he had been in the hospital recently but was doing better. He said that his liver was in pretty bad shape and he was on medication and a special diet but overall was doing much better and hadn't had a drink in three months. He said I should contact my father to wish him happy Father's Day and I told him I had nothing to say to my father. We left it at that and walked away, complete strangers who shared a childhood a lifetime ago. It was heartbreaking to say the least. My youngest son told me he really didn't even recognize him and I have to say neither did I.... I thought I had prepared myself for this, for his death, but after seeing him I realized I don't know if you can prepare for it. He is 35 years old chronologically and if he makes it that long will be 36 next month. I guess the reality of his alcohilism is staggering and so sad. A life lost long ago, relationships ruined, a daughter who will be left to pick up the pieces....... I know I need Al-Anon, but right now I guess I just need an ear and maybe some understanding. I question my decision to walk away from them. I am the selfish traitor who turned my back on my family....but the pain and chaos of watching my brother and dad kill themselves was too painful to watch so maybe I am selfish, I don't know. Anyway thanks for letting me vent.