The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about our ability to trust our intuition in various situations, and the many ways we are able to work the 12th step as we try to carry the message to others. The reading describes a scene where the writer spontaneously decided to hug someone she had been working with for some time. The other person did not return the hug and in fact stiffened in response. The writer then worried over her decision to offer the hug, thinking she had stepped over a line. After some time the other person let her know how much the hug had meant to her, and that she was now much more physically affectionate because of it. The writer realized how differently each had perceived the situation. When I read this I thought about how we can proceed with confidence if we know we have no agenda or expectations, that our motives are pure.
This past weekend I attended a family wedding; it was held not far from where I grew up, but involved a ferry ride to get there so it felt like a destination wedding. I knew I would be seeing people drinking to excess, and I did. One of those people was one of my sisters--and earlier in the day she told me that she thought she should try cutting back because she has at least a few glasses of wine every day, and thought the idea of not drinking at all for even a day was a daunting one. The prep-program me would have spent hours mulling this over with her--what caused her to drink to this extreme, what was she going to do about it, life couldn't go like this etc etc. Instead, when my sister confided in me I just said. 'if you are feeling that there is some compulsion to drink, it sounds like something to take a look at'. We then talked a while about how by choice I have not had a drink in just over a year and a half. The whole conversation felt like a 12th step to me. Needless to say, others noticed her drinking that day as well and she decided to step away from the alcohol since that day. I have no idea what it will mean for her--right now she is talking about different ways to make sure she can keep drinking. The thing is--I felt good about my response in this case and I know it is because of what I have learned here.
The thought for the day says that there are as many ways to work the 12th step as there are stars in the sky. I am going to pay attention to the stars today! Hope you all have a great Tuesday.
Hi Mary, thanks for your service and for sharing this powerful meditation on working the 12 step in our everyday lives.
I can certainly identify with the conversation that evolved with your sister at the wedding. I can remember prior to program, having many soul-searching conversations trying to discover why, where and how this terrible habit developed and who to blame.
As you stated , program has pointed out a better way.
As I read about your interaction with your sister, I was reminded of the slogan" utilize and stop analyzing "as well as If you wonder how program works just use the letters in the word how-- honest, open and willing, communication.
"Practicing these principles in all our affairs" as the step 12 step points out, is a true gift of recovery.
Positive thoughts and prayers for your sister's health.
I too appreciate the daily meditation and your ESH. What a powerful gift we are given in the 12 Steps - and the 12th gives me an opportunity to be a living example of a person in recovery.
For me, I truly have to take HP into situations of supporting others, esp. those who are affected/afflicted by this disease. I ask for freedom of bondage of self, as my recovery is about me but when I am giving of myself, it's no longer about me. It's about doing the next right thing, so another may see that recovery is possible and wonderful. I love that you point out about motives, agendas and expectations....these are exactly why I take HP with me, to keep me grounded and humble as I offer ESH.
I often carry the message while never speaking with another person - this happens through my actions and interaction both in the rooms and in my life. I can say that service work is one area that brings me quick relief if I have gotten 'stuck' or feeling self-pity. That service work can be as simple as moving chairs or more involved such as sponsorship and/or leading meetings.
My gratitude to this program and those will to work with me is beyond words. If this step were not there, we would not have ESH from those who came before us. It is the circle of the program that keeps it possible for all of us to recover and find serenity....how miraculous is that?
Thank you for your service!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Mary thank you for your insight. While you may have planted a seed in your sister's mind at the wedding, the important part was you spoke in kindness and went on to reclaim your day. So many wasted precious hours I wasted. I too am grateful for all I have learned.
The stars - always there, now they can remind me of all the options I always have had but behaved as if clouds obscured them. No longer.
