The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First, I'd like to say what an inspiration everyone has been to me on here. Although I haven't posted myself, I've spent much time reading along with many of your stories and find much encouragement in all of your words.
With that being said, I have to admit that in my own situation, I still have a lot of anger that I can't seem to let go of. I feel like I've been stripped of the ability to trust. Am I alone in feeling this way? I thought time and focusing on myself would help me be more understanding, but it seems it is just making me more fearful of being back in a bad situation.
Hello WorkingOnMe, welcome to MIP. I'm so happy that you found us and have had the courage to reach out and share with such honesty. I can readily identify with the loss of trust, and the deeply ingrained anger of which you speak. I do believe that these are a few of the destructive attitudes that are developed because of living with the disease of alcoholism.
It is great that you been reading the message board and finding solace and a connection with each person's share. Al-Anon has face-to-face meetings held in most communities and I urge you to reach out to the hotline number and find the schedule that suits you.
It is at these meetings that I learned to break the isolation caused by living in the insanity of alcoholism, and was given new constructive tools to live by. These tools helped to restore my self-esteem, self worth, ability to trust myself and release the anger that was stored within.
Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease that can be arrested and never cured. We didn't cause this disease, cannot control it and cannot cure it. The best we can do is to learn how to take care of ourselves in a positive manner
. Please keep coming back you're not alone
Aloha WorkingOnMe and welcome to the board. Betty has already given you a great welcome with Experience Strength and Hope on how she has progressed. Anger and Rage were default emotions for me growing up in the disease of alcoholic and trust was that I would constantly be put down, diminished and punished instead of loved, supported and verified by my family or origin. I was born with a negative attitude and that was my part in the progression of insanity of it in my life. Many children are born predisposed to the disease of alcoholism and I was one. The Al-Anon Family Groups gave me back my sanity and life for which I am extremely grateful. Please keep coming back here and posting. In support (((((hugs)))))
I too welcome you to MIP! So very glad you found us and decided to join in.
I also arrived here with a ton of anger, fear, resentments and more. I was so 'beat down' by life that I truly felt listening and doing what was suggested made sense as nothing I did on my own brought relief. My family of origin was highly functioning dysfunctional, and we were raised to be 'perfect'. Less than and there was shame so I brought a ton of shame to Al-Anon as well.
In getting a sponsor, using the steps and literature and putting the focus on me, I was able to let go of much of my anger. By owning my own defects and allowing those with the disease to do what they needed to do, I was able to find self-love and self-respect, which gave me the ability to design healthy boundaries. Slowly, over time my anger was replaced with empathy and acceptance.
The program is not super easy, but it's very practical. I enjoy my life far more now than before I arrived. I also still have sadness at times, but am finding that is because I am living in the past or worried about the future. If I can keep the focus on me in the present moment, all is well. This was all taught to me by working this program.
It took me a while in the program to realize that anger was my 'go-to' emotion. When things did not go my way, I was angry. When someone died, I was angry. My sponsor suggested when I began to feel angry, that I PAUSE and consider what I was truly feeling and if anger was the appropriate emotion. I found that I often felt sad, scared, anxious but my reaction was anger.
Once I came to that realization, it became easier to assess what was going on, how I really felt and then ask my HP to provide relief.
The Al-Anon program has been life-changing for me in many ways! Stick around and join us - hoping your journey provides you peace and serenity!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for sharing! You certainly are not alone. I certainly have trust
issues and I may have anger issues. Personally, I don't recognize them
as feelings so much but as I continue to deal with my grief (divorce)
I may decide they certainly are. Intellectualization has been, over the
years, one of my most frequent go-to's in terms of defense mechanisms.
Please feel free to share whenever you like... we are here to listen.
