The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH and I had to put our 8yr old Bullmastiff to sleep on Wednesday, he was battling a horrible infection that left him unable to walk and in a lot of pain. Anyone who has lost a pet knows how sad it is, they are like family members. In our house there is a huge void now (Literally HUGE, he was 140lbs) I am missing him daily and my mind is still trying to realize that he's gone.
My AH is a mess, I knew he would be. That dog was his buddy. I fully expected him to drink almost non-stop for the past 5 days (which he has). What I wasn't ready for is for how he is almost ruining my ability to mourn the way I want to. I will reminisce a memory about the dog and just as I am having a quiet, sad, reflective moment, my drunk husband will start sobbing uncontrollably and loudly, blubbering and just being a mess. Nothing can rip me from my little quiet moment faster than his overly dramatic outbursts. I really feel like he's robbing me of my feelings, he keeps interrupting them! I find myself hiding so I can have my feelings in peace.
I know deep down that he cannot be a mature, supportive partner, but every time we go through a hard time, its almost like he makes sure I know it! I have to take one day at a time, otherwise my mind starts to reel about what will happen when our aging parents pass or God forbid any unforeseen tragedies... whew deep breath.
Coopsmom - So very sorry for the tragic loss of your fur-baby. I've lost pets and it is painful...and grieving is real. Hugs to you all as you work through this.
I am a 'hider' in my home. I actually used to view it as bad, but have since changed my mind. I have a room with all my literature, comfy place to sit, a computer and candles. It's become my refuge and I put a lock on the door. I claimed it as my own and rarely do my As come in (cuz it looks similar to a meeting room....).
There is nothing wrong with removing yourself to grieve in your way in your time. Thank goodness that you have a program that helps remember all you can change is you! Trust your HP and just do your thing!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((Coopsmom))) So sorry to read of the loss of your beloved pet. I do know how painful that can be.. Find your quiet place and remember the good and precious times. In support.
(((hugs))) to you. So sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you find the quiet space to honor your furry friend.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I do know that it is not uncommon for alcoholics to just "expect" that you will always be the strong one and that you will not only handle all your own crap on your own, but you will support and help them deal with their own feelings and such.
So I suggest finding time to really honor yourself and your feelings even if it's when you are lying in bed...whenever. Try not to stuff your feelings just because he always 1 ups you in his level of emotionality.
Hugs, coopsmum. Reading this made me go and give my own dog a hug and appreciate him. Losing them is so painful; I don't know how I will cope when this one goes. He is my rock. I'm really sorry for your loss. I wonder if there is something you can go and do privately to honor him? I would absolutely need to grieve away from my A and his all-consuming nonsense. I wonder if there is somewhere you used to take your dog that you might go to, and officially say goodbye?
-- Edited by missmeliss on Tuesday 23rd of June 2015 05:34:06 PM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I am so sorry for your loss, my furkids are my life and I too would be terribly sad. As for your AH, well they are known for stealing all emotion from everyone. Go through your grief for your no matter what he does. It's your grief, your memories, your loss too, take care of you.
So Very Sorry for your Loss... I have (3) Boston Fur baby's and Each Hold a equally Big Pieces of my Heart.. They are My Kids.. So BIG Hugs to You in your Loss .. 2 yrs ago, I Lost My Cat I had 19.5 yrs... 1/2 of My Life Almost... Things that Help with My Grieving was I Took Pictures of Memories and Scrapbooked them and placed them in a book all there own... And when I Miss her, I Just go and Look thru and have a Good Cry, and Miss My Best Gal...
I Can Still See My AFather acting Just as You Described your AH... When he was Over the Top Drunk, He would have this Overflow of an Emotional Breakdown and Just Act Worse then a Whaling Child... I Remember it Well... Sadly Enough
We all Need Time to Work thru Our Greif, and if You Can't Talk Memories with him, Maybe a Close Friend, or Neighbor, that Knew your Beloved Pup.. You are Not Alone... Keep Taking those DEEP Breath's... Keep Coming Back... Take Care of You...
