The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For he last few weeks I have been struggling dealing with one of my AS, I just talked to the counselor at the recovery home he is in and it looks lie there may be some major issues far beyond what I was worried about. He needs proper diagnosis and it looks like hes either borderline, narcissistic or maybe even sociopathic. I am really scared for hi and even more scared for his pregnant GF. I have stepped back and am feeling much more grounded however I have felt for a while that I wished I had a mom who could tel me everything will be OK (she died when i was 9). I've also ventured to I wish I had a man to hold me and tell me everything will be OK. For the last couple of weeks I have found myself attracted to someone who would literally ruin my life if I was to act on it. He is a violent using addict, and one of my clients at work. I kept it to myself for a while but the infatuation just got worse and worse. I finally talked to a friend about it and the obsession seems to have lessened. I also prayed on the way to work on Sat for God to keep me safe and he didn't come to see me. Talking has taken some of he power away and praying has given me time to think. this program is truly amazing, as soon as I used the tools they work! Thank you all!
Aloha Nannyg and welcome to the family. I am a long time Al-Anon Family Group member and also a double and also a former therapist in a multi-level in and out patient rehab attempting to help others make better decisions for themselves and change their behaviors and the outcomes of their lives. I read from your post, "He is a violent using addict, and one of my clients at work. I kept it to myself for a while but the infatuation just got worse and worse." and this is a scary statement coming from a counselor with your mention of talking to someone else about it. I would have talked to my boss or supervisor and our group often did at management meetings (we were mostly all program people) because of severe consequences which would happen to the entire operation should any of us cross the line. With the client and the other clients and their families and the staff and those outside of the immediate operation that caught word of situation.
A part of this mornings daily readings mention "our only responsibilities" and then my thinking finishes it off with "and consequences" ...Your comment causes me to pray for you, your client and everyone else who is attached to the situation knowingly and not. Be careful...grab the hem of your Higher Power's robe and hang on to where ever your HP drags you. In support (((((hugs)))))
The only person in this group of people you have any power or hope of changing is you.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 22nd of June 2015 12:03:49 PM
Thank you for the post Nanny! Definitely a tough situation with your son. I have 2 teens actively using, one I removed from the house. Talking through issues like these are very powerful. You'll be surprised how many people have/are going through the same thing. Folks remind me that I'm powerless over others. They have a Higher Power and it's not me. I need to take care of myself and lead by example. By taken care of me, I will be ready if/when they want help or assistance. Not in the enabling sense, but healthy support.
As far as the infatuation; I've had that and still can get that way. For me it happens when I'm vulnerable(insecure, fear etc..) and I'm looking for something on the outside to fill up my insides because I feel so awful. Learning to not react during these times of vulnerability can save your *ss. With recognition of these feelings, you can sort out what the real cause is and work with God to overcome it.
Welcome Nanny Great share and powerful awareness.
I agree, program works when I work it one moment, one day at a time.
Please keep coming back You are worth it
Hello NannyG - thank you for post. My hope is by sharing you feel a bit better.
I have 2 A sons, and they are still quite young (23 & 21). They both presented with a variety of MH issues over their years of substance abuse. It was maddening as they kept self-medicating and I felt completely hopeless and helpless. We had a really sick cycle actually through-out the whole situation, which is in part what drove me here to MIP and Al-Anon.
There is a history of mental health concerns from both bloodlines - depression, bi-polar and I am sure more....that I am not aware of.
In looking back and trying so many 'ways to help', I ended up surrendering completely as this is all above my knowledge set. I had no choice but to put my faith in the hands of HP and also the specialists who understood and knew more than I.
It was the hardest surrender of most at the time, but did give me a bit of freedom to relinquish my 'perceived control'. I did my job - provided information, learned and asked questions but I provide support to both only when they are doing what's recommended and not counter-productive to treatment.
(((Hugs))) to you - you are not alone. This program has been my saving grace and I would not be where I am without it.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Jerry I am not sure why you feel the need to tell me what to do....one of the first things i learned during my years of f2f meetings was we do not give advice at AlAnon. I came here for support and understanding....you do not even seem to understand what the real problem is.
