I haven't been on in awhile, but I had posted about my AH who was physically abusive in the past, but not so much anymore, and had even curbed his drinking to a tolerable amount on most occasions, but that the abuse even while sober was still enough to make me want to leave.  

Well, it really hit the fan last weekend.  No physical violence, just an episode where he blew up because I misplaced my keys and peeled out of the driveway in his truck.  Then he asked why I don't just file for divorce.

That led to a huge discussion where i told him EVERYTHING.  About wanting to leave, how I felt abused and manipulated, EVERYTHING.

Anyway, he tried so hard for a whole week to be a perfect gentleman that I actually thought things were going to work out. I mean I really did.  

Then He blew up again at another incident and reverted back to everything being my fault.  The subject of divorce was brought up way more seriously, and had kept going back and forth between "Well, I will just leave if you want me to" and "I am NEVER leaving!!!  This is MY HOUSE!!!!"  

We decided that he and I should both stay at the house and work on the marriage without separating, just give each other "space."  He kept telling me he loves me and is so scared for me to leave and he will do anything to work it out.  He was very teary and sweet.

Yesterday while he was at work, I took our 6 year old son out kayaking and to the pool.  he texted a few times, knew where we were, and I answered him often and kept in touch.

He asked if he could take our son out just the two of them today, and I said yes.  Then he decided he wanted me to come with them and I suggested that it might be good for them to spend some time together.  He said okay, and took a nap.

Then our son asked if I would go with them and I agreed.

When AH woke up from his nap, he was visibly angry with me.  He came out all ready to go and wouldn't look at or speak to me except to ask for cash.  He then took our son around 2:30 and went soemwhere. They are now at a friends house and he is texting me things like "How come you never answer so-an-so's text messages?"  

It seems to me like he is systematically turning all our mutual friends against me.

In any case, he has my son out at our mutual friend's house right now and I am terrified about what might be being said to my son, and whether or not he is planning on running with him.  

I NEVER thought this at ALL possible.

If a stranger were to read the text messages, they would seem like no big deal.  But I KNOW him, and have known him for 15 years, and he is manipulating me so bad right now.  He knows he is scaring and hurting me with these messages, and I know that he is bad-mouthing me to our mutual friends.

I don't even know how I'll act when he gets home.  I worry that he is trying to get me to blow up when he gets home so I look like the crazy one.  But I am terrified right now not knowing when they will be home or if he is going to try and (god forbid) spend the NIGHT somewhere else!

He has to leave for work at 3:30 in the morning, so I think they'll be home, but I would not put it past him to think this the "end of times" marriage wise and use that to skip work or even skip town.  All these ideas are going thru my head.

I have no serenity right now.  I feel powerless and terrified.

I am going to HAVE to keep it together when they come home...