Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

lookingup · ~*Service Worker*~

This ones tough

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

LU - the first baby steps I took to learn how to love me again was to be gentle with me and do things I enjoy. Not things that were expected, nor chores, but back to childhood/teen-age years things. I loved being outdoors when I was younger, so I took up gardening. I loved reading also, so went to the library. I took a few bubble-baths and of course, set aside time to read literature, pray, meditate, be here and go to meetings.

Baby steps - doing for you will surely help. I also started some positive affirmations - easy, simple - I am a child of God, I am beautiful, I am loving, I am worthy.

Hope this helps - great topic!

(((Hugs))) to you!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Learning to love myself started with being gentle with myself and accepting who I was with all my negatives and positives.
I needed to make a gratitude and asset list each day so as to become aware of what I had and what I was doing that might hurt me.

I needed to go to face to face meetings in order to receive the support and understanding of like minded people --as that was a big start for me.

Just starting with a few small actions works wonders-- Please begin, looking up and you will find your way

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((Hugs)))))))) Looking Up,

Opening up here at MIP is a great way to start, it helped me to learn about myself.
A bit like Iamhere I also took time to remember the things that I liked to do as a young girl - painting, long baths, early morning walks - and I started to do some of those things again. It helped me to free my mind from self inflicted responsibilities.
Resting when I need to was important to me as well.

LedfootJenny · Senior Member

for me loving myself began with gently saying no to others and their expectations of me when I was tired, didn't feel like doing something for them or feared resenting them afterwards for my doing it anyway.

The slogan "when in doubt, don't" helped me re-shift my focus back onto myself. Also, when the emotions would swing all over the place, I would ask myself "HALT" am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired? I think anger had never occured to me, because it wasn't an emotion much allowed in my home.

Lastly - do just one thing for yourself each day perhaps? Take a walk, cut a bouquet of flowers, read a book in the hammock, whatever recharges you is a great first step!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I didn't know how to love myself either. That seemed weird and silly. One day I was asked the question, "What is it about you that is so unlovable"? and I had to do the homework to arrive at the answer...nothing. Then my counselor asked me the questions, "What do you suppose it is like to be loved by you"? and I broke down and cried immediately...I always wanted to be told and never got the answer from anyone I did love. Today I've got both answers...Nothing and Great!! Great thread. In support ((((hugs)))) smile

Mark17 · Veteran Member

Hi lookingup,

Going back to Betty's C2C post from the other day, I think meditation
is a great way to start loving yourself. Find a couple positive
affirmations that you are comfortable with in terms of their content
and feel. For example:
www.freeaffirmations.org/love-yourself-positive-affirmations

Alternatively, you can write your own.

Then, just start saying these to yourself. This can be done at any
time during the day when you catch yourself having an idle moment.
I think it's even more powerful to do in meditation where you are
completely focused (or relaxed). With eyes closed, focusing on your
quiet breathing, just repeat these over and over and over. Do it for
10 minutes or less, to start. Try it once per day and commit to doing
it for a couple weeks to get used to it. Then you can see if it helps
or not.

Thanks for sharing!
Mark

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

I went a bit of a different way about it. I really had no clue how to love myself and when I first began I just kind of spoiled myself in the same way I had always spoiled other people.
So for example, I had always spent money on other people shopping but couldn't buy nice things for myself. So I started forcing myself to go shopping JUST for me, to buy something ONLY for me and to go home without buying anything for anyone else. (That habit is really fun now by the way LOL). Or I always cooked wonderful meals for other people but never for myself or, I would give myself the least helping or I would eat the "burnt bit" etc. So I started making an effort to cook my favourite foods just for me and then sit and enjoy them with a good book.
Basically whatever it was that I had been doing obsessively for other people I started doing for myself. And it was nice. And now I'm quite good at it, LOL

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene