The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been learning a lot about myself the past couple of weeks.As I reflect on some of my decisions and choices.I realize I am very passive.There have been many times that I have a voice screaming inside my head to say something to someone and I am afraid.I know it goes way back to when I was a child,I didn't dare have an opinion or cross my father in any way because I was afraid of him.I learned to keep my mouth shut, and I need to work on that.I am afraid I will always be easy pickings for a controlling, dominant male unless I finally get the courage to start speaking my truth.I am thinking I need to send my ex a message about how I feel about him trying to manipulate me.I mean it basically happened because I was afraid to say what I really felt and it just snowballed.I better start somewhere or I will never do it.
Mary - I second what Debb says IF you decide that you need to say something.
At moments like this, I often have to talk with my sponsor. I tend to want to 'resolve issues and have closure' when the timing is off or it's not logical to do so....with my As, often it's best to just leave it alone as they mishear what I say and/or really don't care too much about how I feel.
I am sure with HP's help, you'll do the right thing!!!
Make it a great day and keep doing what you're doing. I find it easier to work on things once they become 'obvious and evident'!!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I relate Mary as that is what happened to me also. I was taught "respect" which was meant to mean be seen and not heard ever and when it came up time for me to speak up I got ridiculed for not having the presence of mind to do it or the courage that was necessary. It still haunts me to this moment and most of the time the justification is that it is or I am not that important. I have learned to act out my will rather than speak it out which often is appropriate and then what bothers me most is the keep still, keep silent it/you do not matter. Alcoholism will roll over that kind of personality very very easily. Still working the "courage to change the things I can". Great post and I also add my "CRAP" to the reaction. (((((hugs)))))
Well crap! I know what you mean I was raised in that environment too. "be quiet no one cares what you are thinking, don't make waves, don't ruffle feathers"! I have always thought of myself as not important. I am passive. Mostly I ask myself "how important is it that this person knows what I am thinking". But of course in situations dealing with kids and their best interest it is important I am all there and aware of whats going on and speak up.
I know I am important to my HP. But I often ask myself do people really care how I feel and what my opinion is, not usually I'd have to say, they usually have their own agenda. Most people want to talk about themselves, especially in a crowd. I actually do have some great things to say, but its like "thowing your pearls before swine". Unless someone is really listening you are just blabing, blah, blah, blah......so consequently I am quiet and that makes people uneasy, people think your weird when you don't talk trivia. Its ok, not everyone needs to be opinionated and prove points. But yes I agree say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean when the situation calls for it. Unlearning what was programed into your child brain is the hardest thing to do, it takes work.
Thanks for the feedback.I have been thinking about this all day.First I was frustrated with myself,so I took care of some things that needed done today.I am also going to start a journal,I might call it my crap journal.I am going to write about any interactions that bother me and see if there is a pattern,I think that will be helpful.About the ex I have decided not to say anything.That is growth.One of the ways I let go of something is to picture myself blowing on a dandelion,and all of the crap goes fluttering through the sky.
I love the name of the journal - Crap Journal......LOLOLOL!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
