The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
C2C reading for today speaks about taking everything that happens personally and that by doing this I remain a victim and blame others for my discomfort. Accepting life on life's terms is the key .
The reading emphasizes the fact that things will not always go our way and that learning how to accept what I cannot change. Is so important to serenity and living life with patience , courage and wisdom.
The reminder was also great refresher course- as it points out that blaming our discomfort on outside events is a way to avoid facing the real issue-- my own attitudes. If I can accept what is happening in my life, pray about it. I may be guided to take an action and will be able to take responsibility for my responses
The quote is from Henry Beecher, "God, asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not the choice. You must take it. The only choices is how.
I choose to accept life on life's terms, by placing principles above personalities and using the Al-Anon principles in all my affairs. That works for me
Such a good reminder! A powerful point in the reading that I try to keep available is that we do not have to see ourselves as victims. We can make the choice to change our perspective, and if need be and it's within our power, change our circumstances. Welcome back, and thank you for sharing this page along with your ESH.
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I love C2C as it's always exactly what I need to hear/read. For me, this reading is so relevant to what brought me here. I was always looking outside myself for the issues, problems, and solutions. The program, steps and fellowship combined with a great sponsor helped me to realize that it is 'within' that I find the problem, solution and peace.
It seems so simple in theory, but so important in practice.
I am not a victim, I am a volunteer. I choose to act, react and / or detach. Working this program with a sponsor has given me the freedom to be what I am and strive for healthy, happy and whole in spite of what is going on around me. What a gift, which I will be forever grateful...
Make it a great day all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Funny, I was just having a discussion with AH last night, he was fretting about a neighbor who asked him if it would be alright with me if she planted flowers on our property so that she had something pretty to look at from her back deck. He was so upset about it that he brought the subject up at least three times. I finally told him that he should let it go and not take what happened so personally. Well he was appalled that: #1, she would ask him is it was alright with me and and not him to plant flowers; #2, that she would even consider planting on our property and #3, that she would insinuate that our property was not pleasant to look at! I agreed with him that this neighbor had alot of nerve and her reasons to plant flowers in our yard were a bit insulting. He got himself into such a tizzy that I finally said to him, why are you letting this woman bother you so? Just let it go, you said no to her request and it doesn't matter what her agenda was, you will get no satisfaction by stewing about the encounter nor will stewing change the fact that it happened. Well he of course went into the whole shick about other uncomfortable situations that have happened in the past, with this neighbor, and of course everything and anything else he could dredge up that may happen in the future, all wasted energy if you ask me. I guess my point is that your share and ESH today reminds me of the fine art of not taking everything so personally, accepting life as it comes and not sweating the small stuff.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Exactly what I needed to hear today. Someone told me at work the other day I needed to not take something personally-it wasn't even happening to me. I am so glad i decided to join this group its made a huge difference in my inner peace already and its only been a few days. This program is amazing, has kept me sane for years in the past and is once again helping me to live a contented life.
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and great experience. My Sponsor had me carry a QTip in my pocket as a reminder to Quit taking it personally The letters in the words spelled out QTIP :) Whatever works
> If I can accept what is happening in my life, pray about it. I may be guided
> to take an action and will be able to take responsibility for my responses
I had a problem a couple years ago with the "I can't control it" concept. I
get it in terms of controlling someone else's behavior but in other glimpses,
I get confused. What confuses me is the "internal locus of control"
psychology concept. I make my behavioral choices and I own responsibility
for them. I don't blame others and feel like a victim--I step up and make
my own choices. This is what adults do, says generalized psychological
theory.
I still sometimes get a bit confused and it's hard to put my finger on
exactly what confuses me.
I could have "detached with love" and gone on living as roommates
while she continued to drink, deny, and blame me for everything. I
could have just nodded my head and said "uh huh" but actually I
discovered that's not healthy either. I think internally, every time I
did not dispute something she said about me that I knew was not
true but that would end up as argument if I tried to set her straight,
it didn't lie well with my unconscious. I think ultimately I built up
a tremendous amount of cognitive dissonance because by not disputing
her outlandish, "drunken" claims, it was like I accepted them but I knew
that wasn't an accurate representation of the reality.
I guess that's a main reason I ended up divorcing. I'm not good at
being fake. Detach with love and don't try to change her. "If you
don't have something good to say then say nothing at all." These
things all conflict... they're all points of wisdom but they are not
consistent.
