The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
I believe everyone needs are undoubtedly different, our lives are all different, so it makes sense to me that our needs and moral inventories would be different as well. I always believed that everyone has the propensity to be caring and humane, maybe because we are all Gods children, but especially those individuals who had to experience great trials and have come through them, those individuals (like MIP Service Workers and Senior Members) who have and do give so much because of their experiences with alcoholism. I like to think that I see the goodness in people first and do not place people in minority categories based on class, ethnicity, religion, physical conditions, etc. I believe that if I get stuck in a bad thought pattern or situation then I am not being honest with myself about the situation, and if I am stuck it is usually because I am afraid, afraid to be alone, afraid to be wrong or hurt and that is where the spiritual inventory helped me. It has sent me down different paths, that opened my eyes to reasons why I had those fears, (that were simply unfounded) and cleared my mind so that I can reap the benefits of just enjoying me and those around me. I have not mentioned AH, because I have moved on, emotionally, so far past AH and his decisions to drink at this point, it has, for the first time in 13 years become extremely comfortable for me to know that I can rely on myself now and have the tools to be able to stop AH from hurting me anymore. My moral inventory allowed me to face my fears and anxieties, to see my shortcomings and faults that caused by my fears, the inventory helped me to relax and truly see the people around me and enjoy life without worrying about the what if's, to become more mindful of my life and to be better able to sense my HP and his/her guidance. Listing my fears and anxieties allowed me the freedom to be me and enjoy my life, where before I was always so focused on myself and my difficulties. I have peace and serenity now, simply because I can be honest with myself now.
Step 4 does not say: "List all the bad things you've done." It asks you to make a "searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself." Figure out who you are. What makes you tick? What failures have you had, and what led you there? What resentments do you still hold? Why are they still there after all this time? What are your greatest strengths, your talents, your abilities? What keeps you from excelling?
Step 4 isn't just about getting over an addiction, or repenting, or fixing past mistakes. It's about self-discovery. This is about answering the hardest question we've ever asked ourselves: "Who am I?"
Writing out this fearless moral inventory will help you discover your true relationship with yourself, with God, and with others. You will find weaknesses. You will find strengths. You will also find reasons for both. You will find heartache and joy, but mostly you will find understanding.
Amazing the progress by the time I finished step 4!!
{{HUGS}}
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Thank You for this!It is what is on my mind today.I have gone through the grief process of letting my A go.We are no longer together,so now it is just me and my stuff.I can still get emotionally sick with just my thinking,hmm.
Thanks so much for your insight into this step. I love that which is bolded - you will find understanding.
This step for me was the true start of my spiritual journey. While I came to believe in the first 3 steps, this action step helped me to understand a bit more about what makes me tic, react and do - what is faith based and what is fear based.
My 'aha' moment was that before the program and steps, I was very fear-driven and hardly ever in the moment. I also often projected the worse case scenario and acted as if that was the way it would always be. Is it any wonder why I acted, reacted, projected as I did?
This step made me realize that if I were willing and ready, my HP would always lead me towards the next best action. It is when I fall back on my self-will that I am turned around....and that does still happen at times. However, if I work hard and make a decision each and every day to trust HP, my defects slowly become replaced with better attitudes, actions and reactions.
I also love that you highlight it is an inventory about who I am and not a list of all that I've done wrong or all that is wrong with me. I had fear when I first saw this step, but a great sponsor and many program friends helped me to understand how important this step is to grow and recover and find peace.
Love that you're doing this!! Your efforts/shares are greatly appreciated!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Right. Step 4 is not about judging myself. It's just about the healthy solution I see.
I ask myself 4 simple questions with each resentment:
1) Where am I selfish? (What do I want?)
2) What did I do to get what I wanted?
3) What am I afraid of?
4) what is the lie I tell myself and what is the truth?
Of course there is so much more within those 4 questions that can't be covered on paper...and then there's a whole separate Fear inventory and a separate Sex Conduct inventory.
The result is a spiritual awakening, and if folks aren't sure if they've really had one, they probably haven't.
Thanks Debbie Loved the review of the Steps. Step 4 was so important for me so that I could become intimate with myself I love the definition of intimacy:" into me see "I finally had the courage to do just that and permit myself to be an imperfect human
